Reactive responses vs. a pause

I spend a lot of time in thought and prayer about relationships.

Between mothering my children, working daily at my marriage and praying over the desire for deepening friendships in those lonely moments; I'm left with some pondering about how my actions/reactions affect my relationships.

"Blessed are the peacemakers" always rings in my mind in response to the pondering.
Yearning for peace can tend to lean into avoiding conflict sometimes, because we feel as though that is the only way to peace.

Which, may be true at times. But, it most likely won't grow your relationships, it will only grow resentment.

A PAUSE.

When in reaction to anything, what's your first instinct?

Is it to spew something spiteful back? Is it to retreat and not say what you want to say? Is it to go to frustration/hurt/anger? If your kids are asking you something, do you listen to them until they finish? (OOps! I don't sometimes) Do you say yes before giving it a time of pause? Do you say no and then rethink your answer?

James 1 describes this predicament well:

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has power to save your souls.
But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in the mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
 James 1:19-27 (NLT)

That first few seconds (reaction time) can be a poignant time, one that if you are in the habit of reacting vs. pausing, can trip your relationships up a bit.

I know it has for me, and since I'm a human, it will in the future as well.

Something I've noticed though is, I have a silent expectation that I want instant responses from the people I interact with.

Not only am I reactive a lot of the time, but I'm also expecting others to be reactive.

The fruit of the spirit that I struggle with is patience. Being a person who's impulsive, active, lively, passionate, those are not fruits, they are bad habits I've formed along the way. With good intentions.

A good intention, can lead to good habits, if you pause. Just take a breath, pray, ponder for a minute or two. Find that sweet spot of making a decision based on listening first and then wrap your head around the conclusion. Try to see the other perspective, ask a few questions, steadily move to your response, which will no longer be a reaction. 

Let's pray:

Father, our go to responses are in us, but they are mold-able in You. If your desire is silence, Lord help me to be silent. If your desire is action, Lord let me act. Every day, I pray I can be a better version of myself, the version YOU have created. Help me to settle in to myself, all that you created me to be, and help me to have self control and patience when in fellowship with others. Relationships are a special gift, and I want to appreciate each individual that you have placed in my life. Help each relationship in my life reach it's full potential. In Jesus name, Amen