Monday, October 21, 2019

The feelings flood

Last week was a flood of feelings. 

We simultaneously danced between my 6th grader heading to Outdoor Ed with his class, baby number 3, turning 3 (!) and our 16 year old Junior ending a fantastic tennis season along with homecoming festivities; that turned into a hustle and bustle on the schedule. This was over the course of 4 days. Have mercy! How did we survive?

I was thinking of all of the things that come our way that are out of our control. And how we are refreshed and renewed by putting our focus on remaining close to God through prayer and Bible study time.

Things certainly fall apart when there is no buffered time in the schedule for worship.

My heart is heavy as I type this. We have a fresh 3 year old, testing limits. Likely related to being overstimulated from all of our activity. However, I am trying to instill some renewal time on this rainy Monday which looks a lot like catching up. The older two are off at school. I have an anxious heart knowing my 6th grader did not at all enjoy Outdoor Ed due to some unfortunate behavior of a few students in his dorm and he's at school today facing those giants that linger in our life right now, as I am in contact with the school to file a report.

There is heaviness that I'm praying through.

To add to the busy and to change the subject just a bit. I'm leading a small group on Thursdays. We are currently studying Gideon (incase anyone is looking for a study, I highly recommend "Gideon: Your Weakness. God's Strength" by Priscilla Shirer). Our church has an initiative for stronger fellowship and has called on the small group leaders to share in this and go to a few, outside of worship, meeting times. Yesterday was one of them. I sat in a room full of other wonderful and wise Christians. Though I am in the seat of "leader" I didn't choose that position, it chose me and I've been trying to just roll with it. However, yesterday, on the heels of being tired from our string of festive days, I was feeling defeated or perhaps seriously questioning whether I was in the right place. This is what surrender looks like to me. If you have found yourself in a similar position, I want to share some truth. God fills in where you aren't capable.  Self doubt may still creep in (it certainly does in my case!) I find myself feeling ill-equipped and if I'm honest, I want to step away and ask someone "better" to fill my shoes. I won't though. We don't need perfect leaders. In fact, I find it incredibly refreshing when there is a humility in a leader. A raw authenticity, a willingness to share vulnerable things. It makes leaders more relatable. Can I become a better small group leader? YES! Absolutely! Should I walk away because I feel out of my league; absolutely not!

While sitting in church yesterday, these words came to mind:

When the things of this world that have clouded my eyes are stripped away; I can see you Lord clear as the sun on a blue sky day.

When I push away all that's invaded my life and my mind, all that is left is YOU, God. 
I press in to cling to you, the way, the truth and the life. 

In the past I might have trudged on, trying to stifle my emotions. Now I sit with them, have coffee with them, pray over them and then release them to God, to allow Him to finish them.
I'm currently in the coffee and prayer process and I find it important to speak from this place too, instead of always speaking from the finish line where hindsight occurs. You see, the hindsight is great, but how about documenting the messy part too? My prayer is that bitterness and hatred don't grow bigger than necessary and instead grace flows out through the cracks and the pain and the light shines through the darkness. As promised in John 1:5-16 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming in the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh not of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.'") For from his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace."

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

The Battle Against Easy

Our society has systematically engaged in the impulse within us. The “don’t want to” aspect of our brains. The “serve it on a silver platter or I don’t want it” perspective.
I’ll tell you something, easy IS better in the moment.
As a busy mom, I want easy most of the time. Easy dinner, easy clean up, easy bedtime, easy, all of it.
And then I realize, easy is an invitation to move faster; more mindlessly. Promoting a lack of feelings as we skip through our days as blindly as possible to avoid emotions. Until we are at a pace that’s unsustainable. We wonder why our lives are full of angst. We crave a quiet minute so we give our kids the “impulse at the fingertips” electronic of choice that can open up the world within seconds to their developing brains. Yes, they are quiet. They are captivated. A moment of peace. Fabricated by the peace thief.
I’m quite convinced we are making the problem bigger.
It’s time to begin the battle against easy.
Ironically, It will not be easy.
Infact it will be downright exhausting.
Battle through.
You are undoing all that’s been done on a level of subtlety.
Crawling out of the grave we dug.
True peace ensues little by little as the habits of ease are broken one by one.
You may feel you are the only one, trust me there are more like you. Find support, you will need it. Otherwise you will want to sneak back to the easy road. You will question your sanity as you go against the monstrous perpetual battle of information that’s inundated our lives. If it’s not electronics, it’s the pace of our communities. Work, sports, the board room meetings, whatever it is, it’s betraying you. It’s convinced you, you can’t sit still. Once you try, you find it to be almost painful. Your brain is used to this overstimulated; over-exhausted, hamster wheel of go go go. Sit through it. Solitude awaits. There’s no easy way to peace, it’s a battle to the finish line. As you near it though, you see glimmers of what’s to come. It’s appealing but seems unattainable, like the never ending hallway that only comes in your nightmares. It’s something you can reach. Keep going, stand firm. This way is a better way. It’s the hard earned grit way. Our souls will thank us. Our stressed out maximum capacity bodies will thank us. Your finances will thank you because you are no longer paying for your coping juice of choice and your Dr will begin telling you you are looking younger and younger. That’s the secret, lowering your stress. You will find you have more time to do the things that matter like build relationships instead of being a slave to the grind. We are deceived to think we can only handle what’s down the easy road, and that may be true if you’re trying to do life in your own strength. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” We don’t have to do anything outside of our comfort in our own strength but we do have to ask the One who created us, to go before us; alongside us and behind us to help do the things that are hard. It’s a choice. Choose easy for the time being; or choose to enter the battle and come out on the other side free of the weights you’ve been shackled by for who knows how long. Will you make that choice?

Friday, September 27, 2019

Can you recover?

No matter what it is, we all have something that we think perhaps we won’t recover from. 

A wound that doesn’t heal, something we think God just can’t forgive us for. 

God can use ALL things for the good of those who love Him. 

All things. 

Even the heinous things your mind has deceived you to think was something you couldn’t recover from. A life forever changed. It can turn around. 
It can. 
Believe it. 
❤️

Read this Scripture from Romans 8 to further under this concept 😘
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

Romans 8:18-30 ESV

Friday, September 20, 2019

F R E E

Does the ownership of your accumulated material possessions stress you out?
Do you live with a lot of clutter? Are your closets full?
We've been in our new house for 4 years now. When we moved, we came from our "starter" home.
I thought I had a lot of stuff then, but then we moved here, one extra bedroom, a larger basement, a huge garage (my husband needed a place to store his materials since he's an Electrician).
Everything that felt huge when we first moved in is suddenly full. We accumulated more "stuff" and now, I feel as though we are running out of space.

Some time ago, I began selling clothes and house items at local resale shops. I still do. I make an appointment, bring in a huge bin of items, and come home with about 40% of the items I started with. The stores can take some of this "stuff" off my hands, but they can't take everything, and then it leaves me with, what do I do with it now? Sell it on my own? Donate it? But where??? All of these things I think about because I made a choice to purchase something I "needed".

We started a financial course years ago, and it was suggested we try to sell everything we don't need. In turn we would raise money to throw at any debt we had.

It was a great idea in theory. Selling items can be quite a task, almost like a job! Have you tried it?? Yes, facebook groups sure makes it easy. Often times you post an item for sale, set it on your porch and the consumer picks it up while leaving money at the door. It's great! When. it. works. :) Some items, people don't buy. And then goes on the process. What do I do with it now?? Donate? But where??

Have you noticed, if you offer something for free at the curb, someone will pick it up 99.9999% of the time?

One of my favorite quotes is "No one has ever become poor by giving" by the beautifully insightful Anne Frank. 

Yes, selling items you don't need is a great way to "recycle" some of the money you've invested in those items. However, there is something that happens inside of us when we simply give something away, without expectation of anything in return.

Something happens on the heart level. We become a little more like Jesus. There is a little more generosity in this world. A little less ownership of material possessions. A little more trust that our Father will provide for our needs as they arise.

The truth is, these items we posses, they aren't truly ours anyway. We've been blessed with the funds to purchase them. We've been blessed with the work that provided the funds. It's not ours. So why do we carry so much pride in our materials?
Why do we stress over keeping what we don't need? For fear we may need it someday and not have it?

I'm suggesting today, that you look at what you have, and see perhaps how those items could bless someone else, with no baggage attached. No expectations, no price tag, just give it away for free.

In return, you have a little more FREE-dom in your heart :)



Saturday, September 7, 2019

Heart positioning

An example of how Scripture speaks to us personally when we bring our troubles to God....

Yesterday I was dealing with some disappointment. I had gotten up, dressed and ready to visit a prayer group that I had heard about a few days before. I was stepping out of my comfort zone to go, meeting new people is a little uneasy sometimes. I prayed through anxiety on the way and when I got to the restaurant; no one was there. I didn’t know what to think; I was disappointed that no one was there but slightly relieved at the same time. But also still bummed because here I was dressed with no where to go at 7:15 on a Sunday morning.

I called my husband who was home with our three kids and told him I was going to bring some bagels home for everyone. He shared he wasn’t in the mood for bagels and suggested going out to breakfast with the kids. My heart that morning was prepared for prayer time and breakfast with ladies my age; which didn’t happen and now my husband was suggesting we rush out the door with our three kids, visit a restaurant that’s not my favorite, while still making it to church on time...I will admit I had some tears falling when I hung up the phone, in the past; I would fight my tears, but I’ve learned God sees them fall and wants to comfort me. So I brought those emotions to Him. I shared my tears with God and then pulled out my Bible.

When I pick up my Bible I pray for
direction.
“What will you have me read right now Lord?”

I found myself in 1 Corinthians 13
“The way of love”

Verse 4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it’s not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”

“It does not insist on its own way...”
This was my eye opener. I had my heart positioned all wrong. It was going against my husband’s sweet, thoughtful offer to take the spontaneous opportunity to enjoy a breakfast out with my family on a Sunday morning. My disappointment and selfishness were not going to win. Love won!

Mundane Discontent

Not long ago, I was sitting in my role as "wife and mom" utterly discontent inside. Depressed. Feeling purposeless in the daily ins and outs of unrelenting life. All of it's demands weighed on me, and seeped out as persistent aches and pains that I despised.

I spent my entire childhood dreaming of the day I would be married with children, staying home with them. I had fantasy sized ideas of what it would look like, or simply, had NO IDEA what being a wife and mom actually entailed. Aside from watching my mom seamlessly care for the house, and the family, cook healthy meals every night and leave the house spotless before she went to bed. She was like a busy bee who just got everything done! How could I ever live up to that?

There's no way. I was not programmed to put anyone’s life before my own. Not at all. It did not come naturally to me, infact, my heart rebelled against it.

I was much more content doing my own things, when I wanted to do them, and guess what, I was pretty good at persuading people that my way was better...

I became a mom at the young age of 22. My now husband, and I were unmarried when our first was born. We "figured it out" as we went along. It wasn't pretty. We fought a lot. We allowed our very stubborn personalities (plural as in, I can't blame him because I was just as bad, if not worse at times)

Fast forward 16 years, (please don't do the math on my age) our oldest is driving, our second born just entered middle school and our youngest is a lovely but raging ”threenager " (well, he plays the part, but is actually still 2)

At a time in our lives when being rooted is a necessity to survive, I marvel at my thankfulness that God pursued me in my days of "doing it all myself" and ever so patiently weathered the storms who He Himself permitted in my life to get me where I am today.

I never even saw it coming.

As I sit today on this brisk, almost fall, Saturday morning, I'm pondering the word mundane and how we as mothers fill many roles. It looks slightly different in each household but a list of "typical" jobs include, bussing, laundry, time management, encouragement, giving love, middle of the night snuggles, feeding, early wake ups, and the list goes on. It can quite definitely feel mundane at times, because we tend to do the same tasks day in and day out to ensure the household runs smoothly. We are created and designed to nurture. Even if we don't see it in our make up just yet, it's there. It might be buried, you might believe it doesn't apply to you, but it's there. Our families depend on our ability to love and nurture them. So when the day(s) comes when your heart isn't quite joyful, remember we work today, for a better tomorrow. And as Lamentations 3 reminds me often "in spite of affliction; His mercies are new every morning".
So I rise and seek to love my family unceasingly. It's the little moments that make bigger impact in the home. It's not big lavish offerings, it's simply being an ear to listen and a hand to hold.

I've stopped dwelling on my endless to do list and even allowed some of those tasks to rest as we travel this season of seeking to be more present and less "rushed and regimented". What I see, is more peace in my own heart and the heart of my family members. Simply because by releasing control and allowing my family to see a healthier version of mom, I'm equipped to lead confidently and shine my light even brighter. It looks different for everyone, but God works the intimate details, and He does so brilliantly in a way that relieves our pressures to be perfect and moving constantly to encouraging us to strive for peace, when the groundwork is already present, it's just waiting to be revealed, when you are ready to have a positive change in your life.

If you are at a point where you are craving more peace, ask yourself these questions:

"How can I change my mundane to mercy today?"

Am I carrying the weight of something that is not mine to carry?

Am I allowing myself to have peace?

If you thought it wasn't possible to squeeze in a moment to breathe, it's definitely time to assess your days and maybe cross a few things off the to do list. When you have an extra minute, even if you have to hide out somewhere, take that time to collect your thoughts. If you have more than a minute, squeeze in something that brings you peace. I like biking and walking, so I try to build those into my day a few times per week.






Sunday, September 1, 2019

Stand firm

“Be still; Stand firm” echoed in my mind when I was traveling the wilderness out of my anxiety induced oppression. 
God was leading me to my salvation, one clinging footstep at a time. 
It was Scripture. 
It was truth. 
So refreshing to see truth revealed as I struggled with all of the lies I believed for so many years before that point.
I came to terms with how weak I was. 
I realized in HIS strength, I could be weak enough to allow His perfect work in my life.
I realized I was not weak at all, but a masterpiece created with gifts and talents I could embrace. 
Perfect in His image. 
It was humbling; what I needed. 
I needed to see weakness was not a flaw, but simply a part of the design of surrender. 

Friends, this Sunday, as we hold everyone being affected by this impending hurricane in prayer, it’s important to remember God is the same yesterday, today and always. 

In the midst of a storm, when you feel as though you will not make it to the other side, that is the moment of surrender. 
“Let go; let God”. 
His Sovereign Grace prevails.