Do you make New Year's Resolutions? I used to. Until I realized, I didn't have a strong "stick to it" attitude growing up, so I was one of those that would set resolutions and then fall away from them after a few weeks. It's hard to change isn't it? Especially when the effort is to try to change for the better.
We have deep rooted characteristics that are sometimes impossible to change. Some are good, some, as we know are not helpful to our groove. Bad habits...
I had a bad habit of doing what I wanted, to suit my own comfort levels.This bad habit, created many subtle habits and behaviors On the surface that isn't terrible, afterall, there's that saying "no one will take care of you, but you". We live in kind of a "survival mode" society. We all know someone who is just trying to get by, on auto drive. If we can get ourselves and our families moving in the right direction, then we are good right? We feel like we are winning at life.
Is that all there is to life though? Keeping up with the grind? Have you ever tried to go against the grind? Talk about a challenge!
I have a feeling I am not the only one suffering from living in this "every man for himself" society.
I hope I'm not alone when I say how lonely it is to live in a world where everyone is on auto pilot. It feels mechanical and cold and isolating. And if you look at the faces of those around you, you may be see the misery of their stress. It's hard to hide when we are in the thick of it.
It's everywhere too. At church, at family gatherings, in stores. Even in my own home (though I battle against it, we fall victim too).
We are looking at a new year ahead of us. A new year is a chance to look at your past and define what turning points you are going to grab hold of.
If you are like me and you struggle to stick with resolutions, I encourage you to look at it through a different lens. If you have a desire to make a change, seek a healthy solution. I'm a big fan of looking to God in prayer. I KNOW He's listening, I KNOW He answers prayers. So why not ask Him to help you change the things in your life that aren't quite making sense. If you are feeling the weight of our world, try praying for more peace. Try praying that God will open your eyes and your heart to thankfulness in the midst of your everyday. Try praying that He will surround you with people who seek His will and will fit the role of wise counsel. (That's my current prayer)
One thing I find to be doable, is choosing one word each year. A word to focus on and see where it leads me.
God gave me my word this year. It's not like that every year, but this year, it was a clear word, and I might add, it's not a word I use very often, which is why I find it so perfect.
I am magnifying the word "Examine" for 2020. I've been kind of pondering the word "Examine" for a few days, and then the validations came in. I was reading scripture the other day and fell upon Acts 17:11 "Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so."
It's interesting because through this word, I also see the opportunity to dive into reading the Bible even more. I'm craving the Word, I'm craving TRUTH. I'm craving being a light in the social circles God has placed me in. "I can do all things through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13
Yesterday, in church, it was revealed to me how different my heart is now vs. when I was younger. When I was younger, doing things my own way, I was fine, or so I thought, but my soul was dehydrated by my flesh. I looked around me at the families I've been worshiping with and having fellowship with and I felt gratitude in knowing what wisdom looks like. I wasn't wise then and to be honest, I still don't have all the answers. But I have the resource with all the wisdom I could ever need, it's The Bible. I have it in my possession, free to read it anytime. It's full of insight and revelations and validation which builds my confidence in surrendering everything to Jesus, who saved me from myself. After communion, I wanted to read Ephesians 6, "The Armor of God." Instead my eye was pulled to Ephesians 4:17-24 (Verses 22-24 really hits home) "17Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20But that is not the way you learned Christ! ---21assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
This gives new meaning to the "New Year; New You" saying. What's imperative to know is we can not change in our own strength. Changes occur on a heart level. So allowing your heart to be Examined by God and allowing Him to refine you, that is something to see. It's not simple, infact it's much more complicated than we can ever fathom. The intricate details of His work that's already in your life begins to become more clear and, in His Almighty Perfection, amazing things are happening. So, if you do anything this year, just let Him who is Holy work in you.
Monday, December 30, 2019
Thursday, December 19, 2019
7 reasons not to worry...
My home has a lot of worry in it. If one person isn't worrying or stressed about something, someone else is going through emotions. We kind of all take turns being stressed. Sound familiar? It's neverending, so I turn to the Word to help me weather it while clinging to God and knowing He calls us not to worry, but what does that look like? With a long history of anxiety, worry feels like a part of my DNA!
Matthew 6 is rich with reassurance!
In my study bible, I found a great verse reference list titled "7 reasons not to worry"
I encourage you to use this list as a reference point and follow up with some study time on your own.
6:25......"The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life."
6:26......"worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today."
6:27..... "worrying is more harmful than helpful."
6:28-30......"God does not ignore those who depend on Him"
6:31, 32....."worrying shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God."
6:33......"worrying keeps us from real challenges God wants us to pursue."
6:34....."living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry."
This list is tangible evidence of God's will. I don't know about you but sometimes I struggle with what battles God wants me all in on and what battles are not welcome in His will. My habits of worrying have brought more stress and unrest into my life and I see in my family, they struggle with the same. Anxiety is heavy, and very very common. Verses 31 and 32 get me in the heart. Even when I think I am faithful and gaining understanding about God, I still struggle with discerning His will and what to do as we "sit in the mess". What I do know is the here and now. What I know is the more I pray, the more I get to know God. The more I seek Him, the more He opens my heart to find more peace. The more I read and study the Word, the more life makes sense. The more I work to keep my heart open to God, the more I can let go of my worries.
It's a constant decision and there are countless opportunities for changes in the life of a busy mom. One step at a time. For today, I am going to soak up the 7 truths listed above and see where that takes us. More surrender, more peace.
Matthew 6 is rich with reassurance!
In my study bible, I found a great verse reference list titled "7 reasons not to worry"
I encourage you to use this list as a reference point and follow up with some study time on your own.
6:25......"The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life."
6:26......"worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today."
6:27..... "worrying is more harmful than helpful."
6:28-30......"God does not ignore those who depend on Him"
6:31, 32....."worrying shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God."
6:33......"worrying keeps us from real challenges God wants us to pursue."
6:34....."living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry."
This list is tangible evidence of God's will. I don't know about you but sometimes I struggle with what battles God wants me all in on and what battles are not welcome in His will. My habits of worrying have brought more stress and unrest into my life and I see in my family, they struggle with the same. Anxiety is heavy, and very very common. Verses 31 and 32 get me in the heart. Even when I think I am faithful and gaining understanding about God, I still struggle with discerning His will and what to do as we "sit in the mess". What I do know is the here and now. What I know is the more I pray, the more I get to know God. The more I seek Him, the more He opens my heart to find more peace. The more I read and study the Word, the more life makes sense. The more I work to keep my heart open to God, the more I can let go of my worries.
It's a constant decision and there are countless opportunities for changes in the life of a busy mom. One step at a time. For today, I am going to soak up the 7 truths listed above and see where that takes us. More surrender, more peace.
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Walking aches
I have a consistent nagging at my heart.
My kids well being.
It's a big undertaking to raise a family.
I admit, it does consume me sometimes.
This is one of those times.
My oldest is a Junior in high school, my middle is a 6th grader at a new school and my youngest is in a parents morning out program as a newly turned 3 year old. Every time my kids are at school, I have to surrender them to the Lord.
We are in a season where the world isn't super kind to them. Being a new student is rough and I can't tell you how many times I've heard my son tell me he has no friends over the last few months. Breaks. My. Heart!
My daughter has established friendships, but it's been a rough few years as she works through a friendship that isn't the most healthy. Friendships change and she looks for people who enjoy what she enjoys. (She rides horses, anyone who's kid's ride horses know the strength of this passion. It's amazing in SO MANY WAYS, grows responsibility and leadership, but there is a sort of isolation that comes with the territory because you are primarily working with animals and it's not really a "team sport". Many kids her age "don't get it") I look at baby number 3 and think, "don't ever grow up my love!!" He's so sweet and innocent and "the world" hasn't gotten to him yet.
We are created to be unique: one-of-a-kind.
Middle school in particular isn't super kind to individuality.
My 6th grader is through and through one-of-a-kind. He's an old soul, very outgoing and happy go lucky. He's also sarcastic (sometimes at inappropriate times) he likes to rub elbows with adults who appreciate his humor. His peers though, aren't as encouraging and he's shut down as being "annoying". True honesty, I don't know many 11 year old boys who aren't annoying. God love 'em!!
I find it to be pretty normal, yet it's an ache we work through.
Walking aches. Aches over how my kids are treated. Aches over how my kids respond when I'm not there. Aches over how it is affecting their souls.
I try to balance loving them hard (since truly, aside from God, NO ONE can love them like their family can) and also giving them independence to spread their wings. It's agonizing for me. Can you relate?
Our oldest is at an age where she is mostly making her own decisions, I encourage her to live boldly, and remind her (in her perfectionist ways) that mistakes will happen and the art of a good apology is a necessary piece of life.
These seasons of learning and growing, are not easy. There is a lot of breaking of the heart and then our good Father in Heaven, shapes it back together to look more like Jesus. Sorrow, lament, it's honestly quite normal. I don't like it very much; it's vulnerable to share the shattered pieces of the heart, but I truly believe it holds a worthy spot in our story.
From sadness; compassion grows. From trials; perseverance grows. From struggles; wisdom grows.
I just pray from these battles they experience, their hearts remain steadfast in the Lord. That is truly the only way to survive living in this world. And there are times where they are distant from Him. I look back when I was their age and I certainly was distant from Him as well! I look at them and just cherish the gift they are.
.
.
.
I have to share what just happened. God is so good!
I "saved" this post to be published in the future. Closed my computer and started my devotion time.
If you've been reading my blog, the last post was about my just concluded study on Gideon. My small group and I have decided on our next study; "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkeurst .
I literally just finished typing about my "walking aches" and picked up "Trustworthy" to start reading the introduction.
I'm going to quote a few paragraphs from the book, Lysa is describing a scene in her house that's under renovation and relating it to her heart.
"The demolition was not a sign of irreparable problems. It was a sign of intentional progress. But I couldn't say the same about the busted up places in my heart. Not right now. Not yet.
When I stood and looked in the mirror, my demolished heart wasn't quite as easy to see as the walls in my house. The brokenness certainly revealed things, but they weren't as easy to identify as pipes and wires. They were strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma, and distrust.
Distrust. There it was. The biggest of all the issues that resided beneath my surface. The ripping open and exposing of my heart had certainly revealed something I needed to see but didn't dare want to admit.
About me. About God. And about my utter lack of trust in Him."
Whoa. I hear you God.
I can't wait to read more of this study and listen to God as he mends my broken heart.
My kids well being.
It's a big undertaking to raise a family.
I admit, it does consume me sometimes.
This is one of those times.
My oldest is a Junior in high school, my middle is a 6th grader at a new school and my youngest is in a parents morning out program as a newly turned 3 year old. Every time my kids are at school, I have to surrender them to the Lord.
We are in a season where the world isn't super kind to them. Being a new student is rough and I can't tell you how many times I've heard my son tell me he has no friends over the last few months. Breaks. My. Heart!
My daughter has established friendships, but it's been a rough few years as she works through a friendship that isn't the most healthy. Friendships change and she looks for people who enjoy what she enjoys. (She rides horses, anyone who's kid's ride horses know the strength of this passion. It's amazing in SO MANY WAYS, grows responsibility and leadership, but there is a sort of isolation that comes with the territory because you are primarily working with animals and it's not really a "team sport". Many kids her age "don't get it") I look at baby number 3 and think, "don't ever grow up my love!!" He's so sweet and innocent and "the world" hasn't gotten to him yet.
We are created to be unique: one-of-a-kind.
Middle school in particular isn't super kind to individuality.
My 6th grader is through and through one-of-a-kind. He's an old soul, very outgoing and happy go lucky. He's also sarcastic (sometimes at inappropriate times) he likes to rub elbows with adults who appreciate his humor. His peers though, aren't as encouraging and he's shut down as being "annoying". True honesty, I don't know many 11 year old boys who aren't annoying. God love 'em!!
I find it to be pretty normal, yet it's an ache we work through.
Walking aches. Aches over how my kids are treated. Aches over how my kids respond when I'm not there. Aches over how it is affecting their souls.
I try to balance loving them hard (since truly, aside from God, NO ONE can love them like their family can) and also giving them independence to spread their wings. It's agonizing for me. Can you relate?
Our oldest is at an age where she is mostly making her own decisions, I encourage her to live boldly, and remind her (in her perfectionist ways) that mistakes will happen and the art of a good apology is a necessary piece of life.
These seasons of learning and growing, are not easy. There is a lot of breaking of the heart and then our good Father in Heaven, shapes it back together to look more like Jesus. Sorrow, lament, it's honestly quite normal. I don't like it very much; it's vulnerable to share the shattered pieces of the heart, but I truly believe it holds a worthy spot in our story.
From sadness; compassion grows. From trials; perseverance grows. From struggles; wisdom grows.
I just pray from these battles they experience, their hearts remain steadfast in the Lord. That is truly the only way to survive living in this world. And there are times where they are distant from Him. I look back when I was their age and I certainly was distant from Him as well! I look at them and just cherish the gift they are.
.
.
.
I have to share what just happened. God is so good!
I "saved" this post to be published in the future. Closed my computer and started my devotion time.
If you've been reading my blog, the last post was about my just concluded study on Gideon. My small group and I have decided on our next study; "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkeurst .
I literally just finished typing about my "walking aches" and picked up "Trustworthy" to start reading the introduction.
I'm going to quote a few paragraphs from the book, Lysa is describing a scene in her house that's under renovation and relating it to her heart.
"The demolition was not a sign of irreparable problems. It was a sign of intentional progress. But I couldn't say the same about the busted up places in my heart. Not right now. Not yet.
When I stood and looked in the mirror, my demolished heart wasn't quite as easy to see as the walls in my house. The brokenness certainly revealed things, but they weren't as easy to identify as pipes and wires. They were strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma, and distrust.
Distrust. There it was. The biggest of all the issues that resided beneath my surface. The ripping open and exposing of my heart had certainly revealed something I needed to see but didn't dare want to admit.
About me. About God. And about my utter lack of trust in Him."
Whoa. I hear you God.
I can't wait to read more of this study and listen to God as he mends my broken heart.
Monday, November 11, 2019
Gideon: Your weakness. God's STRENGTH
I just completed the Gideon Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer. Have you done this study?
The group I lead on Thursdays, it's more of a fellowship group, with the backbone of a study or a book we choose to dig into deeper. Our purpose is to get together and be there for each other every week throughout the school year. This group means a lot to me, so I try to choose books that will really help us grow as individuals and as a group.
Gideon, particularly this study, was one I started with a different study group, but when I had baby number 3, I didn't quite get to finish it. It's been 3 years since baby number 3 was born and it's been calling my name for quite some time. Fun fact: we even named our cat Gideon when we brought him home a little over a year ago!
The book I ordered off of Amazon was a used book, so imagine this:
Person number 1 has the book and took a few notes in it here and there. Person number 2 (ME!) started it in 2016 and took some notes. Now, person number 2 (me; round 2) goes back to finish. There is so much that has changed in my perceptions of what these questions are really asking. And every time I see the writing from person number 1, I pray for them, whomever and where ever they are, they are covered in prayer. I find that to be pretty cool.
Gideon is an interesting character. Gideon is found by an angel with a message from God that he is going to deliver Israel from under the hand of Midian. Judges 6:7-12: "When they cried out to the Lord because of Midian, the Lord sent a prophet to the Israelites. He said, "This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of slavery in Egypt. I rescued you from the Egyptians and from all who oppressed you. I drove out your enemies and gave you their land. I told you, 'I am the Lord your God. You must not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you now live. ' But you have not listened to me."
Then the Angel of the Lord came and sat beneath the great tree at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash of the clan of Abiezer. Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of the winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, "Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!"
Gideon was quite apprehensive at first. Imagine being tucked away in your laundry room, working away at your daily "mundane" tasks and then all of a sudden; a call to battle! It seems impossible doesn't it?? Or atleast you may wonder if you are hearing that call and is it really for you??
Yet, God, chipped away at Gideon, he chipped away at the people he placed in line to help and from the looks of things, it would not end well, yet...spoiler alert... they had a victory! Full story can be found in the book of Judges 6-8.
This is a big accomplishment and yes, Gideon did let it go to his head a little bit, but ultimately, God's work was done.
Where does this leave us?
I will tell you where it left me.
I've wrestled with the questions :
"Am I fulfilling God's will as He's calling me to do, or am I putting my own spin on what I think I hear?"
"Am I doing what I do, to give God all of the glory, or am I doing what I do for accolades?"
These are not easy questions. My hope is that God gets all of the glory all of the time, but I am human and I know that even if I think God is getting all of the glory, there has to be a glimmer of pride growing deep down and I want to keep a handle on it. So I wrestle.
The way the study was outlined is truly brilliant. We learned facts about Gideon. Relate able facts. As we moved through, I could put myself in Gideon's "sandals" (as the author
, Priscilla words it). I also was able to look more deeply at the idols I carry in my life. I can honestly say I haven't built alters like the Israelites did, but I certainly have smaller scale idols. We all do and they put a wedge between our hearts and God's Will. Honestly, it's good to look at what's holding you captive and putting distance between you and God and then look at it and tear it down.
"Your weakness. God's STRENGTH" is really highlighted as we looked at the tools God gave Gideon to fight the Midianites and the small size of his army, in comparison with the opposing team. Do you ever feel that way? Like the tools you have just don't measure up? Does it discourage you? Do you trust God to work with whatever you have? I dance between the two on a fairly regular basis. It's good to have light brought to the facts in our days. Once we are aware of what we are working with, God is free in our lives to do what He does best!
I had a fantastic revelation yesterday when I finished the Gideon study and then it was solidified in church. I love when the pieces fall together and in true fashion of the purpose of this blog, I will share with you what that revelation was.
The Gideon study uses hashtags at the end of each day. Sort of a summary of what you learned in a hashtag. My hashtags yesterday were:
#God will (is) demonstrate His Strength THROUGH ME (Because He is IN ME)
#convertGoodIntentionsintoObedientActions.
This study gave me confidence in KNOWING God is IN ME and will work THROUGH ME to shine His light upon the world.
Do you ever wonder if what you have in you is enough to accomplish what you are being asked to do? I find that to be a road block for me sometimes. I know God is leading me, yet I don't yet have the confidence to believe He will carry me all the way through sometimes. It's this tangible surrender from control to freedom. So it's a good struggle, but I needed confirmation that God is already IN me, and this study broke that chain for me. If you know Christ and have given your life to Him, He LIVES IN YOU. It's true. Scripture backs it up, we have to keep reading and believing truth and then it just clicks one day. One regular, unassuming, mundane day, it clicks.
The group I lead on Thursdays, it's more of a fellowship group, with the backbone of a study or a book we choose to dig into deeper. Our purpose is to get together and be there for each other every week throughout the school year. This group means a lot to me, so I try to choose books that will really help us grow as individuals and as a group.
Gideon, particularly this study, was one I started with a different study group, but when I had baby number 3, I didn't quite get to finish it. It's been 3 years since baby number 3 was born and it's been calling my name for quite some time. Fun fact: we even named our cat Gideon when we brought him home a little over a year ago!
The book I ordered off of Amazon was a used book, so imagine this:
Person number 1 has the book and took a few notes in it here and there. Person number 2 (ME!) started it in 2016 and took some notes. Now, person number 2 (me; round 2) goes back to finish. There is so much that has changed in my perceptions of what these questions are really asking. And every time I see the writing from person number 1, I pray for them, whomever and where ever they are, they are covered in prayer. I find that to be pretty cool.
Gideon is an interesting character. Gideon is found by an angel with a message from God that he is going to deliver Israel from under the hand of Midian. Judges 6:7-12: "When they cried out to the Lord because of Midian, the Lord sent a prophet to the Israelites. He said, "This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of slavery in Egypt. I rescued you from the Egyptians and from all who oppressed you. I drove out your enemies and gave you their land. I told you, 'I am the Lord your God. You must not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you now live. ' But you have not listened to me."
Then the Angel of the Lord came and sat beneath the great tree at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash of the clan of Abiezer. Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of the winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, "Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!"
Gideon was quite apprehensive at first. Imagine being tucked away in your laundry room, working away at your daily "mundane" tasks and then all of a sudden; a call to battle! It seems impossible doesn't it?? Or atleast you may wonder if you are hearing that call and is it really for you??
Yet, God, chipped away at Gideon, he chipped away at the people he placed in line to help and from the looks of things, it would not end well, yet...spoiler alert... they had a victory! Full story can be found in the book of Judges 6-8.
This is a big accomplishment and yes, Gideon did let it go to his head a little bit, but ultimately, God's work was done.
Where does this leave us?
I will tell you where it left me.
I've wrestled with the questions :
"Am I fulfilling God's will as He's calling me to do, or am I putting my own spin on what I think I hear?"
"Am I doing what I do, to give God all of the glory, or am I doing what I do for accolades?"
These are not easy questions. My hope is that God gets all of the glory all of the time, but I am human and I know that even if I think God is getting all of the glory, there has to be a glimmer of pride growing deep down and I want to keep a handle on it. So I wrestle.
The way the study was outlined is truly brilliant. We learned facts about Gideon. Relate able facts. As we moved through, I could put myself in Gideon's "sandals" (as the author
, Priscilla words it). I also was able to look more deeply at the idols I carry in my life. I can honestly say I haven't built alters like the Israelites did, but I certainly have smaller scale idols. We all do and they put a wedge between our hearts and God's Will. Honestly, it's good to look at what's holding you captive and putting distance between you and God and then look at it and tear it down.
"Your weakness. God's STRENGTH" is really highlighted as we looked at the tools God gave Gideon to fight the Midianites and the small size of his army, in comparison with the opposing team. Do you ever feel that way? Like the tools you have just don't measure up? Does it discourage you? Do you trust God to work with whatever you have? I dance between the two on a fairly regular basis. It's good to have light brought to the facts in our days. Once we are aware of what we are working with, God is free in our lives to do what He does best!
I had a fantastic revelation yesterday when I finished the Gideon study and then it was solidified in church. I love when the pieces fall together and in true fashion of the purpose of this blog, I will share with you what that revelation was.
The Gideon study uses hashtags at the end of each day. Sort of a summary of what you learned in a hashtag. My hashtags yesterday were:
#God will (is) demonstrate His Strength THROUGH ME (Because He is IN ME)
#convertGoodIntentionsintoObedientActions.
This study gave me confidence in KNOWING God is IN ME and will work THROUGH ME to shine His light upon the world.
Do you ever wonder if what you have in you is enough to accomplish what you are being asked to do? I find that to be a road block for me sometimes. I know God is leading me, yet I don't yet have the confidence to believe He will carry me all the way through sometimes. It's this tangible surrender from control to freedom. So it's a good struggle, but I needed confirmation that God is already IN me, and this study broke that chain for me. If you know Christ and have given your life to Him, He LIVES IN YOU. It's true. Scripture backs it up, we have to keep reading and believing truth and then it just clicks one day. One regular, unassuming, mundane day, it clicks.
Monday, October 21, 2019
The feelings flood
Last week was a flood of feelings.
We simultaneously danced between my 6th grader heading to Outdoor Ed with his class, baby number 3, turning 3 (!) and our 16 year old Junior ending a fantastic tennis season along with homecoming festivities; that turned into a hustle and bustle on the schedule. This was over the course of 4 days. Have mercy! How did we survive?
I was thinking of all of the things that come our way that are out of our control. And how we are refreshed and renewed by putting our focus on remaining close to God through prayer and Bible study time.
Things certainly fall apart when there is no buffered time in the schedule for worship.
My heart is heavy as I type this. We have a fresh 3 year old, testing limits. Likely related to being overstimulated from all of our activity. However, I am trying to instill some renewal time on this rainy Monday which looks a lot like catching up. The older two are off at school. I have an anxious heart knowing my 6th grader did not at all enjoy Outdoor Ed due to some unfortunate behavior of a few students in his dorm and he's at school today facing those giants that linger in our life right now, as I am in contact with the school to file a report.
There is heaviness that I'm praying through.
To add to the busy and to change the subject just a bit. I'm leading a small group on Thursdays. We are currently studying Gideon (incase anyone is looking for a study, I highly recommend "Gideon: Your Weakness. God's Strength" by Priscilla Shirer). Our church has an initiative for stronger fellowship and has called on the small group leaders to share in this and go to a few, outside of worship, meeting times. Yesterday was one of them. I sat in a room full of other wonderful and wise Christians. Though I am in the seat of "leader" I didn't choose that position, it chose me and I've been trying to just roll with it. However, yesterday, on the heels of being tired from our string of festive days, I was feeling defeated or perhaps seriously questioning whether I was in the right place. This is what surrender looks like to me. If you have found yourself in a similar position, I want to share some truth. God fills in where you aren't capable. Self doubt may still creep in (it certainly does in my case!) I find myself feeling ill-equipped and if I'm honest, I want to step away and ask someone "better" to fill my shoes. I won't though. We don't need perfect leaders. In fact, I find it incredibly refreshing when there is a humility in a leader. A raw authenticity, a willingness to share vulnerable things. It makes leaders more relatable. Can I become a better small group leader? YES! Absolutely! Should I walk away because I feel out of my league; absolutely not!
While sitting in church yesterday, these words came to mind:
When the things of this world that have clouded my eyes are stripped away; I can see you Lord clear as the sun on a blue sky day.
When I push away all that's invaded my life and my mind, all that is left is YOU, God.
I press in to cling to you, the way, the truth and the life.
In the past I might have trudged on, trying to stifle my emotions. Now I sit with them, have coffee with them, pray over them and then release them to God, to allow Him to finish them.
I'm currently in the coffee and prayer process and I find it important to speak from this place too, instead of always speaking from the finish line where hindsight occurs. You see, the hindsight is great, but how about documenting the messy part too? My prayer is that bitterness and hatred don't grow bigger than necessary and instead grace flows out through the cracks and the pain and the light shines through the darkness. As promised in John 1:5-16 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming in the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh not of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.'") For from his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace."
We simultaneously danced between my 6th grader heading to Outdoor Ed with his class, baby number 3, turning 3 (!) and our 16 year old Junior ending a fantastic tennis season along with homecoming festivities; that turned into a hustle and bustle on the schedule. This was over the course of 4 days. Have mercy! How did we survive?
I was thinking of all of the things that come our way that are out of our control. And how we are refreshed and renewed by putting our focus on remaining close to God through prayer and Bible study time.
Things certainly fall apart when there is no buffered time in the schedule for worship.
My heart is heavy as I type this. We have a fresh 3 year old, testing limits. Likely related to being overstimulated from all of our activity. However, I am trying to instill some renewal time on this rainy Monday which looks a lot like catching up. The older two are off at school. I have an anxious heart knowing my 6th grader did not at all enjoy Outdoor Ed due to some unfortunate behavior of a few students in his dorm and he's at school today facing those giants that linger in our life right now, as I am in contact with the school to file a report.
There is heaviness that I'm praying through.
To add to the busy and to change the subject just a bit. I'm leading a small group on Thursdays. We are currently studying Gideon (incase anyone is looking for a study, I highly recommend "Gideon: Your Weakness. God's Strength" by Priscilla Shirer). Our church has an initiative for stronger fellowship and has called on the small group leaders to share in this and go to a few, outside of worship, meeting times. Yesterday was one of them. I sat in a room full of other wonderful and wise Christians. Though I am in the seat of "leader" I didn't choose that position, it chose me and I've been trying to just roll with it. However, yesterday, on the heels of being tired from our string of festive days, I was feeling defeated or perhaps seriously questioning whether I was in the right place. This is what surrender looks like to me. If you have found yourself in a similar position, I want to share some truth. God fills in where you aren't capable. Self doubt may still creep in (it certainly does in my case!) I find myself feeling ill-equipped and if I'm honest, I want to step away and ask someone "better" to fill my shoes. I won't though. We don't need perfect leaders. In fact, I find it incredibly refreshing when there is a humility in a leader. A raw authenticity, a willingness to share vulnerable things. It makes leaders more relatable. Can I become a better small group leader? YES! Absolutely! Should I walk away because I feel out of my league; absolutely not!
While sitting in church yesterday, these words came to mind:
When the things of this world that have clouded my eyes are stripped away; I can see you Lord clear as the sun on a blue sky day.
When I push away all that's invaded my life and my mind, all that is left is YOU, God.
I press in to cling to you, the way, the truth and the life.
In the past I might have trudged on, trying to stifle my emotions. Now I sit with them, have coffee with them, pray over them and then release them to God, to allow Him to finish them.
I'm currently in the coffee and prayer process and I find it important to speak from this place too, instead of always speaking from the finish line where hindsight occurs. You see, the hindsight is great, but how about documenting the messy part too? My prayer is that bitterness and hatred don't grow bigger than necessary and instead grace flows out through the cracks and the pain and the light shines through the darkness. As promised in John 1:5-16 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming in the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh not of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.'") For from his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace."
Wednesday, October 2, 2019
The Battle Against Easy
Our society has systematically engaged in the impulse within us. The “don’t want to” aspect of our brains. The “serve it on a silver platter or I don’t want it” perspective.
I’ll tell you something, easy IS better in the moment.
As a busy mom, I want easy most of the time. Easy dinner, easy clean up, easy bedtime, easy, all of it.
And then I realize, easy is an invitation to move faster; more mindlessly. Promoting a lack of feelings as we skip through our days as blindly as possible to avoid emotions. Until we are at a pace that’s unsustainable. We wonder why our lives are full of angst. We crave a quiet minute so we give our kids the “impulse at the fingertips” electronic of choice that can open up the world within seconds to their developing brains. Yes, they are quiet. They are captivated. A moment of peace. Fabricated by the peace thief.
I’m quite convinced we are making the problem bigger.
It’s time to begin the battle against easy.
Ironically, It will not be easy.
Infact it will be downright exhausting.
Battle through.
You are undoing all that’s been done on a level of subtlety.
Crawling out of the grave we dug.
True peace ensues little by little as the habits of ease are broken one by one.
You may feel you are the only one, trust me there are more like you. Find support, you will need it. Otherwise you will want to sneak back to the easy road. You will question your sanity as you go against the monstrous perpetual battle of information that’s inundated our lives. If it’s not electronics, it’s the pace of our communities. Work, sports, the board room meetings, whatever it is, it’s betraying you. It’s convinced you, you can’t sit still. Once you try, you find it to be almost painful. Your brain is used to this overstimulated; over-exhausted, hamster wheel of go go go. Sit through it. Solitude awaits. There’s no easy way to peace, it’s a battle to the finish line. As you near it though, you see glimmers of what’s to come. It’s appealing but seems unattainable, like the never ending hallway that only comes in your nightmares. It’s something you can reach. Keep going, stand firm. This way is a better way. It’s the hard earned grit way. Our souls will thank us. Our stressed out maximum capacity bodies will thank us. Your finances will thank you because you are no longer paying for your coping juice of choice and your Dr will begin telling you you are looking younger and younger. That’s the secret, lowering your stress. You will find you have more time to do the things that matter like build relationships instead of being a slave to the grind. We are deceived to think we can only handle what’s down the easy road, and that may be true if you’re trying to do life in your own strength. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” We don’t have to do anything outside of our comfort in our own strength but we do have to ask the One who created us, to go before us; alongside us and behind us to help do the things that are hard. It’s a choice. Choose easy for the time being; or choose to enter the battle and come out on the other side free of the weights you’ve been shackled by for who knows how long. Will you make that choice?
I’ll tell you something, easy IS better in the moment.
As a busy mom, I want easy most of the time. Easy dinner, easy clean up, easy bedtime, easy, all of it.
And then I realize, easy is an invitation to move faster; more mindlessly. Promoting a lack of feelings as we skip through our days as blindly as possible to avoid emotions. Until we are at a pace that’s unsustainable. We wonder why our lives are full of angst. We crave a quiet minute so we give our kids the “impulse at the fingertips” electronic of choice that can open up the world within seconds to their developing brains. Yes, they are quiet. They are captivated. A moment of peace. Fabricated by the peace thief.
I’m quite convinced we are making the problem bigger.
It’s time to begin the battle against easy.
Ironically, It will not be easy.
Infact it will be downright exhausting.
Battle through.
You are undoing all that’s been done on a level of subtlety.
Crawling out of the grave we dug.
True peace ensues little by little as the habits of ease are broken one by one.
You may feel you are the only one, trust me there are more like you. Find support, you will need it. Otherwise you will want to sneak back to the easy road. You will question your sanity as you go against the monstrous perpetual battle of information that’s inundated our lives. If it’s not electronics, it’s the pace of our communities. Work, sports, the board room meetings, whatever it is, it’s betraying you. It’s convinced you, you can’t sit still. Once you try, you find it to be almost painful. Your brain is used to this overstimulated; over-exhausted, hamster wheel of go go go. Sit through it. Solitude awaits. There’s no easy way to peace, it’s a battle to the finish line. As you near it though, you see glimmers of what’s to come. It’s appealing but seems unattainable, like the never ending hallway that only comes in your nightmares. It’s something you can reach. Keep going, stand firm. This way is a better way. It’s the hard earned grit way. Our souls will thank us. Our stressed out maximum capacity bodies will thank us. Your finances will thank you because you are no longer paying for your coping juice of choice and your Dr will begin telling you you are looking younger and younger. That’s the secret, lowering your stress. You will find you have more time to do the things that matter like build relationships instead of being a slave to the grind. We are deceived to think we can only handle what’s down the easy road, and that may be true if you’re trying to do life in your own strength. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” We don’t have to do anything outside of our comfort in our own strength but we do have to ask the One who created us, to go before us; alongside us and behind us to help do the things that are hard. It’s a choice. Choose easy for the time being; or choose to enter the battle and come out on the other side free of the weights you’ve been shackled by for who knows how long. Will you make that choice?
Friday, September 27, 2019
Can you recover?
No matter what it is, we all have something that we think perhaps we won’t recover from.
A wound that doesn’t heal, something we think God just can’t forgive us for.
God can use ALL things for the good of those who love Him.
All things.
Even the heinous things your mind has deceived you to think was something you couldn’t recover from. A life forever changed. It can turn around.
It can.
Believe it.
❤️
Read this Scripture from Romans 8 to further under this concept 😘
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”
Romans 8:18-30 ESV
Friday, September 20, 2019
F R E E
Does the ownership of your accumulated material possessions stress you out?
Do you live with a lot of clutter? Are your closets full?
We've been in our new house for 4 years now. When we moved, we came from our "starter" home.
I thought I had a lot of stuff then, but then we moved here, one extra bedroom, a larger basement, a huge garage (my husband needed a place to store his materials since he's an Electrician).
Everything that felt huge when we first moved in is suddenly full. We accumulated more "stuff" and now, I feel as though we are running out of space.
Some time ago, I began selling clothes and house items at local resale shops. I still do. I make an appointment, bring in a huge bin of items, and come home with about 40% of the items I started with. The stores can take some of this "stuff" off my hands, but they can't take everything, and then it leaves me with, what do I do with it now? Sell it on my own? Donate it? But where??? All of these things I think about because I made a choice to purchase something I "needed".
We started a financial course years ago, and it was suggested we try to sell everything we don't need. In turn we would raise money to throw at any debt we had.
It was a great idea in theory. Selling items can be quite a task, almost like a job! Have you tried it?? Yes, facebook groups sure makes it easy. Often times you post an item for sale, set it on your porch and the consumer picks it up while leaving money at the door. It's great! When. it. works. :) Some items, people don't buy. And then goes on the process. What do I do with it now?? Donate? But where??
Have you noticed, if you offer something for free at the curb, someone will pick it up 99.9999% of the time?
One of my favorite quotes is "No one has ever become poor by giving" by the beautifully insightful Anne Frank.
Yes, selling items you don't need is a great way to "recycle" some of the money you've invested in those items. However, there is something that happens inside of us when we simply give something away, without expectation of anything in return.
Something happens on the heart level. We become a little more like Jesus. There is a little more generosity in this world. A little less ownership of material possessions. A little more trust that our Father will provide for our needs as they arise.
The truth is, these items we posses, they aren't truly ours anyway. We've been blessed with the funds to purchase them. We've been blessed with the work that provided the funds. It's not ours. So why do we carry so much pride in our materials?
Why do we stress over keeping what we don't need? For fear we may need it someday and not have it?
I'm suggesting today, that you look at what you have, and see perhaps how those items could bless someone else, with no baggage attached. No expectations, no price tag, just give it away for free.
In return, you have a little more FREE-dom in your heart :)
Do you live with a lot of clutter? Are your closets full?
We've been in our new house for 4 years now. When we moved, we came from our "starter" home.
I thought I had a lot of stuff then, but then we moved here, one extra bedroom, a larger basement, a huge garage (my husband needed a place to store his materials since he's an Electrician).
Everything that felt huge when we first moved in is suddenly full. We accumulated more "stuff" and now, I feel as though we are running out of space.
Some time ago, I began selling clothes and house items at local resale shops. I still do. I make an appointment, bring in a huge bin of items, and come home with about 40% of the items I started with. The stores can take some of this "stuff" off my hands, but they can't take everything, and then it leaves me with, what do I do with it now? Sell it on my own? Donate it? But where??? All of these things I think about because I made a choice to purchase something I "needed".
We started a financial course years ago, and it was suggested we try to sell everything we don't need. In turn we would raise money to throw at any debt we had.
It was a great idea in theory. Selling items can be quite a task, almost like a job! Have you tried it?? Yes, facebook groups sure makes it easy. Often times you post an item for sale, set it on your porch and the consumer picks it up while leaving money at the door. It's great! When. it. works. :) Some items, people don't buy. And then goes on the process. What do I do with it now?? Donate? But where??
Have you noticed, if you offer something for free at the curb, someone will pick it up 99.9999% of the time?
One of my favorite quotes is "No one has ever become poor by giving" by the beautifully insightful Anne Frank.
Yes, selling items you don't need is a great way to "recycle" some of the money you've invested in those items. However, there is something that happens inside of us when we simply give something away, without expectation of anything in return.
Something happens on the heart level. We become a little more like Jesus. There is a little more generosity in this world. A little less ownership of material possessions. A little more trust that our Father will provide for our needs as they arise.
The truth is, these items we posses, they aren't truly ours anyway. We've been blessed with the funds to purchase them. We've been blessed with the work that provided the funds. It's not ours. So why do we carry so much pride in our materials?
Why do we stress over keeping what we don't need? For fear we may need it someday and not have it?
I'm suggesting today, that you look at what you have, and see perhaps how those items could bless someone else, with no baggage attached. No expectations, no price tag, just give it away for free.
In return, you have a little more FREE-dom in your heart :)
Saturday, September 7, 2019
Heart positioning
An example of how Scripture speaks to us personally when we bring our troubles to God....
Yesterday I was dealing with some disappointment. I had gotten up, dressed and ready to visit a prayer group that I had heard about a few days before. I was stepping out of my comfort zone to go, meeting new people is a little uneasy sometimes. I prayed through anxiety on the way and when I got to the restaurant; no one was there. I didn’t know what to think; I was disappointed that no one was there but slightly relieved at the same time. But also still bummed because here I was dressed with no where to go at 7:15 on a Sunday morning.
I called my husband who was home with our three kids and told him I was going to bring some bagels home for everyone. He shared he wasn’t in the mood for bagels and suggested going out to breakfast with the kids. My heart that morning was prepared for prayer time and breakfast with ladies my age; which didn’t happen and now my husband was suggesting we rush out the door with our three kids, visit a restaurant that’s not my favorite, while still making it to church on time...I will admit I had some tears falling when I hung up the phone, in the past; I would fight my tears, but I’ve learned God sees them fall and wants to comfort me. So I brought those emotions to Him. I shared my tears with God and then pulled out my Bible.
When I pick up my Bible I pray for
direction.
“What will you have me read right now Lord?”
I found myself in 1 Corinthians 13
“The way of love”
Verse 4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it’s not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”
“It does not insist on its own way...”
This was my eye opener. I had my heart positioned all wrong. It was going against my husband’s sweet, thoughtful offer to take the spontaneous opportunity to enjoy a breakfast out with my family on a Sunday morning. My disappointment and selfishness were not going to win. Love won!
Yesterday I was dealing with some disappointment. I had gotten up, dressed and ready to visit a prayer group that I had heard about a few days before. I was stepping out of my comfort zone to go, meeting new people is a little uneasy sometimes. I prayed through anxiety on the way and when I got to the restaurant; no one was there. I didn’t know what to think; I was disappointed that no one was there but slightly relieved at the same time. But also still bummed because here I was dressed with no where to go at 7:15 on a Sunday morning.
I called my husband who was home with our three kids and told him I was going to bring some bagels home for everyone. He shared he wasn’t in the mood for bagels and suggested going out to breakfast with the kids. My heart that morning was prepared for prayer time and breakfast with ladies my age; which didn’t happen and now my husband was suggesting we rush out the door with our three kids, visit a restaurant that’s not my favorite, while still making it to church on time...I will admit I had some tears falling when I hung up the phone, in the past; I would fight my tears, but I’ve learned God sees them fall and wants to comfort me. So I brought those emotions to Him. I shared my tears with God and then pulled out my Bible.
When I pick up my Bible I pray for
direction.
“What will you have me read right now Lord?”
I found myself in 1 Corinthians 13
“The way of love”
Verse 4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it’s not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”
“It does not insist on its own way...”
This was my eye opener. I had my heart positioned all wrong. It was going against my husband’s sweet, thoughtful offer to take the spontaneous opportunity to enjoy a breakfast out with my family on a Sunday morning. My disappointment and selfishness were not going to win. Love won!
Mundane Discontent
Not long ago, I was sitting in my role as "wife and mom" utterly discontent inside. Depressed. Feeling purposeless in the daily ins and outs of unrelenting life. All of it's demands weighed on me, and seeped out as persistent aches and pains that I despised.
I spent my entire childhood dreaming of the day I would be married with children, staying home with them. I had fantasy sized ideas of what it would look like, or simply, had NO IDEA what being a wife and mom actually entailed. Aside from watching my mom seamlessly care for the house, and the family, cook healthy meals every night and leave the house spotless before she went to bed. She was like a busy bee who just got everything done! How could I ever live up to that?
There's no way. I was not programmed to put anyone’s life before my own. Not at all. It did not come naturally to me, infact, my heart rebelled against it.
I was much more content doing my own things, when I wanted to do them, and guess what, I was pretty good at persuading people that my way was better...
I became a mom at the young age of 22. My now husband, and I were unmarried when our first was born. We "figured it out" as we went along. It wasn't pretty. We fought a lot. We allowed our very stubborn personalities (plural as in, I can't blame him because I was just as bad, if not worse at times)
Fast forward 16 years, (please don't do the math on my age) our oldest is driving, our second born just entered middle school and our youngest is a lovely but raging ”threenager " (well, he plays the part, but is actually still 2)
At a time in our lives when being rooted is a necessity to survive, I marvel at my thankfulness that God pursued me in my days of "doing it all myself" and ever so patiently weathered the storms who He Himself permitted in my life to get me where I am today.
I never even saw it coming.
As I sit today on this brisk, almost fall, Saturday morning, I'm pondering the word mundane and how we as mothers fill many roles. It looks slightly different in each household but a list of "typical" jobs include, bussing, laundry, time management, encouragement, giving love, middle of the night snuggles, feeding, early wake ups, and the list goes on. It can quite definitely feel mundane at times, because we tend to do the same tasks day in and day out to ensure the household runs smoothly. We are created and designed to nurture. Even if we don't see it in our make up just yet, it's there. It might be buried, you might believe it doesn't apply to you, but it's there. Our families depend on our ability to love and nurture them. So when the day(s) comes when your heart isn't quite joyful, remember we work today, for a better tomorrow. And as Lamentations 3 reminds me often "in spite of affliction; His mercies are new every morning".
So I rise and seek to love my family unceasingly. It's the little moments that make bigger impact in the home. It's not big lavish offerings, it's simply being an ear to listen and a hand to hold.
I've stopped dwelling on my endless to do list and even allowed some of those tasks to rest as we travel this season of seeking to be more present and less "rushed and regimented". What I see, is more peace in my own heart and the heart of my family members. Simply because by releasing control and allowing my family to see a healthier version of mom, I'm equipped to lead confidently and shine my light even brighter. It looks different for everyone, but God works the intimate details, and He does so brilliantly in a way that relieves our pressures to be perfect and moving constantly to encouraging us to strive for peace, when the groundwork is already present, it's just waiting to be revealed, when you are ready to have a positive change in your life.
If you are at a point where you are craving more peace, ask yourself these questions:
"How can I change my mundane to mercy today?"
Am I carrying the weight of something that is not mine to carry?
Am I allowing myself to have peace?
If you thought it wasn't possible to squeeze in a moment to breathe, it's definitely time to assess your days and maybe cross a few things off the to do list. When you have an extra minute, even if you have to hide out somewhere, take that time to collect your thoughts. If you have more than a minute, squeeze in something that brings you peace. I like biking and walking, so I try to build those into my day a few times per week.
I spent my entire childhood dreaming of the day I would be married with children, staying home with them. I had fantasy sized ideas of what it would look like, or simply, had NO IDEA what being a wife and mom actually entailed. Aside from watching my mom seamlessly care for the house, and the family, cook healthy meals every night and leave the house spotless before she went to bed. She was like a busy bee who just got everything done! How could I ever live up to that?
There's no way. I was not programmed to put anyone’s life before my own. Not at all. It did not come naturally to me, infact, my heart rebelled against it.
I was much more content doing my own things, when I wanted to do them, and guess what, I was pretty good at persuading people that my way was better...
I became a mom at the young age of 22. My now husband, and I were unmarried when our first was born. We "figured it out" as we went along. It wasn't pretty. We fought a lot. We allowed our very stubborn personalities (plural as in, I can't blame him because I was just as bad, if not worse at times)
Fast forward 16 years, (please don't do the math on my age) our oldest is driving, our second born just entered middle school and our youngest is a lovely but raging ”threenager " (well, he plays the part, but is actually still 2)
At a time in our lives when being rooted is a necessity to survive, I marvel at my thankfulness that God pursued me in my days of "doing it all myself" and ever so patiently weathered the storms who He Himself permitted in my life to get me where I am today.
I never even saw it coming.
As I sit today on this brisk, almost fall, Saturday morning, I'm pondering the word mundane and how we as mothers fill many roles. It looks slightly different in each household but a list of "typical" jobs include, bussing, laundry, time management, encouragement, giving love, middle of the night snuggles, feeding, early wake ups, and the list goes on. It can quite definitely feel mundane at times, because we tend to do the same tasks day in and day out to ensure the household runs smoothly. We are created and designed to nurture. Even if we don't see it in our make up just yet, it's there. It might be buried, you might believe it doesn't apply to you, but it's there. Our families depend on our ability to love and nurture them. So when the day(s) comes when your heart isn't quite joyful, remember we work today, for a better tomorrow. And as Lamentations 3 reminds me often "in spite of affliction; His mercies are new every morning".
So I rise and seek to love my family unceasingly. It's the little moments that make bigger impact in the home. It's not big lavish offerings, it's simply being an ear to listen and a hand to hold.
I've stopped dwelling on my endless to do list and even allowed some of those tasks to rest as we travel this season of seeking to be more present and less "rushed and regimented". What I see, is more peace in my own heart and the heart of my family members. Simply because by releasing control and allowing my family to see a healthier version of mom, I'm equipped to lead confidently and shine my light even brighter. It looks different for everyone, but God works the intimate details, and He does so brilliantly in a way that relieves our pressures to be perfect and moving constantly to encouraging us to strive for peace, when the groundwork is already present, it's just waiting to be revealed, when you are ready to have a positive change in your life.
If you are at a point where you are craving more peace, ask yourself these questions:
"How can I change my mundane to mercy today?"
Am I carrying the weight of something that is not mine to carry?
Am I allowing myself to have peace?
If you thought it wasn't possible to squeeze in a moment to breathe, it's definitely time to assess your days and maybe cross a few things off the to do list. When you have an extra minute, even if you have to hide out somewhere, take that time to collect your thoughts. If you have more than a minute, squeeze in something that brings you peace. I like biking and walking, so I try to build those into my day a few times per week.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Stand firm
“Be still; Stand firm” echoed in my mind when I was traveling the wilderness out of my anxiety induced oppression.
God was leading me to my salvation, one clinging footstep at a time.
It was Scripture.
It was truth.
So refreshing to see truth revealed as I struggled with all of the lies I believed for so many years before that point.
I came to terms with how weak I was.
I realized in HIS strength, I could be weak enough to allow His perfect work in my life.
I realized I was not weak at all, but a masterpiece created with gifts and talents I could embrace.
Perfect in His image.
It was humbling; what I needed.
I needed to see weakness was not a flaw, but simply a part of the design of surrender.
Friends, this Sunday, as we hold everyone being affected by this impending hurricane in prayer, it’s important to remember God is the same yesterday, today and always.
In the midst of a storm, when you feel as though you will not make it to the other side, that is the moment of surrender.
“Let go; let God”.
His Sovereign Grace prevails.
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
Persevering through the hard times
As I continue to read through Exodus, I'm absorbing the story of how Moses led the people out of oppression, through God's Word. I can't help but notice the continued reminder "But I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and though I multiply my signs and wonders in the land of Egypt, Pharoah will not listen to you" (Exodus 7:3) Pharaoh wouldn't listen, and the Lord continued to harden his heart.
God hardened Pharaoh's heart- it was not his free will to have a hard heart. A designated opportunity to fulfill the promise. Even though faith is believing what is not seen- the people are seeking to "see". God continually gives signs of His word, yet still today we don't listen. Hard hearts blind us.
"Tell of Pharaoh's hardened heart and harsh dealings with the Egyptians and the signs, so they may know I am Lord." (Exodus 10:1-2)
I see this happen in our lives today as well. Our hearts can be too hard to even grasp the work God is doing in our lives. Behind the scenes, when we feel like our prayers aren't being heard, or perhaps that things are not going the way we feel they should. Or maybe times have just gotten so dire, it's hard to see a way out. Sometimes, we start to believe God is not working for us. The truth is He ABSOLUTELY is working! That doesn't mean an easy road, but the glory comes with weathering the storms. While clinging to God in every way you possibly can, the benefits outweigh the pain of the endurance process.
So why does it have to be so hard sometimes?
Thessalonians speaks of the why; "for sanctification" (the act of becoming holy). No matter where you read in your Bible, there is a likely chance the Lord is spelling out for you, what we need to do to be holy. A great directive verse comes from Exodus 14, "And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
When you are in a season where you are grasping at straws and wondering what you can do to change the dynamic of what's persisting in your life, are you tempted to turn your back away from God?
I encourage you to "stand firm". Don't turn your back on the one who will never forsake you. He promises time and time again; if you seek Him, His glory will be revealed. It takes some persistence on our part too; there is often some heart chiseling that's involved, we have to be willing. Trust in believing, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30
God hardened Pharaoh's heart- it was not his free will to have a hard heart. A designated opportunity to fulfill the promise. Even though faith is believing what is not seen- the people are seeking to "see". God continually gives signs of His word, yet still today we don't listen. Hard hearts blind us.
"Tell of Pharaoh's hardened heart and harsh dealings with the Egyptians and the signs, so they may know I am Lord." (Exodus 10:1-2)
I see this happen in our lives today as well. Our hearts can be too hard to even grasp the work God is doing in our lives. Behind the scenes, when we feel like our prayers aren't being heard, or perhaps that things are not going the way we feel they should. Or maybe times have just gotten so dire, it's hard to see a way out. Sometimes, we start to believe God is not working for us. The truth is He ABSOLUTELY is working! That doesn't mean an easy road, but the glory comes with weathering the storms. While clinging to God in every way you possibly can, the benefits outweigh the pain of the endurance process.
So why does it have to be so hard sometimes?
Thessalonians speaks of the why; "for sanctification" (the act of becoming holy). No matter where you read in your Bible, there is a likely chance the Lord is spelling out for you, what we need to do to be holy. A great directive verse comes from Exodus 14, "And Moses said to the people, "Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."
When you are in a season where you are grasping at straws and wondering what you can do to change the dynamic of what's persisting in your life, are you tempted to turn your back away from God?
I encourage you to "stand firm". Don't turn your back on the one who will never forsake you. He promises time and time again; if you seek Him, His glory will be revealed. It takes some persistence on our part too; there is often some heart chiseling that's involved, we have to be willing. Trust in believing, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30
Friday, August 23, 2019
Strong Shackles or Strong Freedom?
I've discussed the habitual thinking I've had over the years. Years of anxiety created years of bondage in my mind. This is a subtle and slow process, it doesn't happen overnight. It's just, what fear does. It boxes you in to the things you can't do.
As I was biking today, pulling my almost 3 year old in the trailer. I left with an open mind. We had plans to bike to a nearby farm (not near enough for my mind to grasp how I was going to tow him there and back) but I went anyway because the weather is absolutely gorgeous today and I wanted to really embrace the gift.
We got to the point in the commute, where I always reconsider my not so brilliant idea to bike to the farm. I was determined today to do this. We've been biking on and off all summer, we had enough water and we were on an adventure. But my mind was talking me down. "Why is the wind blowing against us" "This was a bad idea"
My mind is still apt to sneak in those "I can't do this" thoughts. But now, I've started stretching my hand out to the Lord every single time the burden of the situation begins to build.
Philippians 4:13 came to mind as I was praying "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
I was certainly not going to pull this off in my own strength. But God. God can most certainly get me there and back! He's traveling with me as I go, always inviting me to remember the mercy that ensues when my heart surrenders to trusting Him.
Then I began thinking about how hard headed I was as a child. I was headstrong and always seemed to have to have my way. I had a bit of a reputation for it, as my family likes to joke about still today.
I'm still hard headed, but God has refined this to a more pleasing image of fierce faith instead of anxious control. An authentic heart freedom.
There was an analogy that came to mind. A question:
Do I want to allow strong shackles of fearful and doubtful thoughts drive my actions? Or do I want to live in strong freedom knowing and believing that I serve a big God who cares for my little moments of fear?
That's the thing, they are little moments now. They still come, but they don't shackle me. In the past, I likely would have turned around and called it a day. But today, not only did we make it to the farm, but we went even a little further to the local ice cream shop! And back home.
God's strength. Not mine. God's glory alive in me and I'm just here to share.
As I was biking today, pulling my almost 3 year old in the trailer. I left with an open mind. We had plans to bike to a nearby farm (not near enough for my mind to grasp how I was going to tow him there and back) but I went anyway because the weather is absolutely gorgeous today and I wanted to really embrace the gift.
We got to the point in the commute, where I always reconsider my not so brilliant idea to bike to the farm. I was determined today to do this. We've been biking on and off all summer, we had enough water and we were on an adventure. But my mind was talking me down. "Why is the wind blowing against us" "This was a bad idea"
My mind is still apt to sneak in those "I can't do this" thoughts. But now, I've started stretching my hand out to the Lord every single time the burden of the situation begins to build.
Philippians 4:13 came to mind as I was praying "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
I was certainly not going to pull this off in my own strength. But God. God can most certainly get me there and back! He's traveling with me as I go, always inviting me to remember the mercy that ensues when my heart surrenders to trusting Him.
Then I began thinking about how hard headed I was as a child. I was headstrong and always seemed to have to have my way. I had a bit of a reputation for it, as my family likes to joke about still today.
I'm still hard headed, but God has refined this to a more pleasing image of fierce faith instead of anxious control. An authentic heart freedom.
There was an analogy that came to mind. A question:
Do I want to allow strong shackles of fearful and doubtful thoughts drive my actions? Or do I want to live in strong freedom knowing and believing that I serve a big God who cares for my little moments of fear?
That's the thing, they are little moments now. They still come, but they don't shackle me. In the past, I likely would have turned around and called it a day. But today, not only did we make it to the farm, but we went even a little further to the local ice cream shop! And back home.
God's strength. Not mine. God's glory alive in me and I'm just here to share.
Thursday, August 15, 2019
The Narrow Gate
Oh friends,
This is a hard post to write.
My gift is "encouragement". But when truth calls to be revealed, I take it seriously.
I was recently given some constructive criticism about my book. It solidified my nature of writing tends to be on the "upbeat" side. Which isn't generally a problem, until you are speaking of Scripture. I don't necessarily want to change my upbeat writing, but sometimes, the messages in Scripture are not all sunshine and rainbows. Don't let that scare you though friends! I truly believe, our eyes are opened more to the love of God once we understand what He is calling us to do...and that is to gain wisdom through His word and follow Him!
There are infinite misconceptions out there, if I can help change just one of those misconceptions, my heart is happy.
So, here we go.
Matthew 7.
Before we get started, it's important to note Matthew 7 starts out with a reminder not to judge. "Judge not, that you be not judged"
We are called hypocrites and told to take the plank out of our own eye before noting the speck in our neighbor's eye. Yes, a humbling reminder.
So, this morning, I was thinking about our world.
How many people say they know God. Is it enough to believe He exists?
In short, that's a great start. But if that's where you end, you are missing the key piece of salvation.
verse 21 starts... "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'
Let's back up to verse 15, it speaks of false prophets. They are recognized by their fruits. I don't know about you, but I want to be a healthy tree that bears good fruit. Not a diseased tree that bears bad fruit.
Let's examine our lives today. Examine if what we are presenting is a match with what's going on inside. God sees through the facades, even when we don't.
I will be the first to admit, that my insides were a mess for a long time. Even though no one would have ever known by looking at me or my life. I could even analyze further and say I was dehydrated fruit that was striving endlessly to present a well pruned tree. When in reality, my roots were in a stage of distress.
Not long ago, while studying Jeremiah, I was asked to describe my life in relation to a tree. I described a tree planted near water but my thirsty roots were not quite reaching the stream. It was a dry time. I can say today, my tree is much healthier now. Not because much in my life has changed, but because my roots are getting their nourishment from the well spring of life. My Savior!
I have no doubts the Lord knows me, I have no doubts there is a room waiting for me in Heaven.
verse 24-27 "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."
We have a lot to lose, but the optimist in me says we have so much more to gain if we stretch our roots to deepen into the rich soil that only God can provide!
This is a hard post to write.
My gift is "encouragement". But when truth calls to be revealed, I take it seriously.
I was recently given some constructive criticism about my book. It solidified my nature of writing tends to be on the "upbeat" side. Which isn't generally a problem, until you are speaking of Scripture. I don't necessarily want to change my upbeat writing, but sometimes, the messages in Scripture are not all sunshine and rainbows. Don't let that scare you though friends! I truly believe, our eyes are opened more to the love of God once we understand what He is calling us to do...and that is to gain wisdom through His word and follow Him!
There are infinite misconceptions out there, if I can help change just one of those misconceptions, my heart is happy.
So, here we go.
Matthew 7.
Before we get started, it's important to note Matthew 7 starts out with a reminder not to judge. "Judge not, that you be not judged"
We are called hypocrites and told to take the plank out of our own eye before noting the speck in our neighbor's eye. Yes, a humbling reminder.
So, this morning, I was thinking about our world.
How many people say they know God. Is it enough to believe He exists?
In short, that's a great start. But if that's where you end, you are missing the key piece of salvation.
verse 21 starts... "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'
Let's back up to verse 15, it speaks of false prophets. They are recognized by their fruits. I don't know about you, but I want to be a healthy tree that bears good fruit. Not a diseased tree that bears bad fruit.
Let's examine our lives today. Examine if what we are presenting is a match with what's going on inside. God sees through the facades, even when we don't.
I will be the first to admit, that my insides were a mess for a long time. Even though no one would have ever known by looking at me or my life. I could even analyze further and say I was dehydrated fruit that was striving endlessly to present a well pruned tree. When in reality, my roots were in a stage of distress.
Not long ago, while studying Jeremiah, I was asked to describe my life in relation to a tree. I described a tree planted near water but my thirsty roots were not quite reaching the stream. It was a dry time. I can say today, my tree is much healthier now. Not because much in my life has changed, but because my roots are getting their nourishment from the well spring of life. My Savior!
I have no doubts the Lord knows me, I have no doubts there is a room waiting for me in Heaven.
verse 24-27 "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."
We have a lot to lose, but the optimist in me says we have so much more to gain if we stretch our roots to deepen into the rich soil that only God can provide!
Saturday, August 10, 2019
It was good
"And God saw it was good"
A few years ago when I was traveling "Through the Wilderness" I remember thinking how alert I was. My stress levels were so naturally high at the time, that any small (or big thing) that fell into our day, put me into anxiety mode. I was so caught up in being on high alert, the Holy Spirit reminded me, to go back to the basics.
The basics, are things we know. Things that we do without much thought. Bare essentials. When in a stressful situation, have you noticed, the basics are even out of reach?
I decided at that time, I want to begin functioning on a lower level of alert. One where I could maintain a healthier way of being. God is good, and God sees good, and God provides for these yearnings we have. Especially when we are stepping out in faith, towards Him.
He provides.
Tonight, I'm thinking about Genesis 1. "And God saw it was good" is repeated 6 times. verse 27 says "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them".
God's creation is perfect. Because God is unchanging, we know whatever is right in front of us, is good. Even if it's terrible, there is something in it to walk away with. Sure, that's hard to see sometimes, sometimes it takes time to sit back and work through all that's happened. Some of us have walked unspeakably hard roads. There are pains that we can't imagine ever being eased.
"and God saw it was good"
When our Almighty created, it was good. He's still creating today. He's creating opportunities for you to seek Him. He's creating an outstretched hand to take hold of you before you fall. He's creating countless abilities to find your way. He works, and He rests. "and God saw it was good"
When will we learn that God's plan is outside of our realm of understanding? In Proverbs 3 we are called to "Trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
Some things are hard. They are harder when you don't look at the bigger picture and see the work that's going on behind the scenes. It's not easy to walk through. It could bring your to your breaking point. Please, please, stop at your knees and pray before you break. He will soften your fall.
A few years ago when I was traveling "Through the Wilderness" I remember thinking how alert I was. My stress levels were so naturally high at the time, that any small (or big thing) that fell into our day, put me into anxiety mode. I was so caught up in being on high alert, the Holy Spirit reminded me, to go back to the basics.
The basics, are things we know. Things that we do without much thought. Bare essentials. When in a stressful situation, have you noticed, the basics are even out of reach?
I decided at that time, I want to begin functioning on a lower level of alert. One where I could maintain a healthier way of being. God is good, and God sees good, and God provides for these yearnings we have. Especially when we are stepping out in faith, towards Him.
He provides.
Tonight, I'm thinking about Genesis 1. "And God saw it was good" is repeated 6 times. verse 27 says "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them".
God's creation is perfect. Because God is unchanging, we know whatever is right in front of us, is good. Even if it's terrible, there is something in it to walk away with. Sure, that's hard to see sometimes, sometimes it takes time to sit back and work through all that's happened. Some of us have walked unspeakably hard roads. There are pains that we can't imagine ever being eased.
"and God saw it was good"
When our Almighty created, it was good. He's still creating today. He's creating opportunities for you to seek Him. He's creating an outstretched hand to take hold of you before you fall. He's creating countless abilities to find your way. He works, and He rests. "and God saw it was good"
When will we learn that God's plan is outside of our realm of understanding? In Proverbs 3 we are called to "Trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not on our own understanding, in all our ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."
Some things are hard. They are harder when you don't look at the bigger picture and see the work that's going on behind the scenes. It's not easy to walk through. It could bring your to your breaking point. Please, please, stop at your knees and pray before you break. He will soften your fall.
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
Distracted faith
I'm working through the book of Exodus, reading about the life of Moses. God is seeking our hearts, our actions tend to display the condition of our hearts. Where is your heart today?
Exodus 4:22 states Israel is God's firstborn son.
Psalm 73:1 states He is good to Israel, to those pure in heart.
Psalm 73:26 states flesh and heart fail, God is strength.
Jeremiah 17:7-10 states Our hearts are deceitful.
I encourage you to seek to have a pure heart- PRAY to have a pure heart. It's there in each of us, rarely is it naturally pure, our hearts take on the brutality of the world around us- which is why we are told to guard them in Proverbs 4:19-27
Going from shallow, preoccupied, distracted faith to deep, rich, fulfilling, authentic faith is often messier than expected; exhausts more effort than imagined-
It's not for the faint of heart- BUT that's because we are used to doing things in our own strength when in truth, authentic faith comes in His strength- in His time.
His work strengthens in our lives when our hearts truly open toward Him. That's the easy part- the rest is where you surrender to Holy, and the rewards light the way.
If you are looking for more Scripture:
Psalm 73
Psalm 86:11-12
I read Ephesians 2 again this morning, which I just noticed is a repeat Scripture. That always amazes me when the same Scripture calls to me multiple times over the course of a few weeks.
Exodus 4:22 states Israel is God's firstborn son.
Psalm 73:1 states He is good to Israel, to those pure in heart.
Psalm 73:26 states flesh and heart fail, God is strength.
Jeremiah 17:7-10 states Our hearts are deceitful.
I encourage you to seek to have a pure heart- PRAY to have a pure heart. It's there in each of us, rarely is it naturally pure, our hearts take on the brutality of the world around us- which is why we are told to guard them in Proverbs 4:19-27
Going from shallow, preoccupied, distracted faith to deep, rich, fulfilling, authentic faith is often messier than expected; exhausts more effort than imagined-
It's not for the faint of heart- BUT that's because we are used to doing things in our own strength when in truth, authentic faith comes in His strength- in His time.
His work strengthens in our lives when our hearts truly open toward Him. That's the easy part- the rest is where you surrender to Holy, and the rewards light the way.
If you are looking for more Scripture:
Psalm 73
Psalm 86:11-12
I read Ephesians 2 again this morning, which I just noticed is a repeat Scripture. That always amazes me when the same Scripture calls to me multiple times over the course of a few weeks.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Poetic truth
Bless the Lord!
He forgives
He heals
He redeems
He crowns you with steadfast love & mercy
He satisfies
He renews
He is righteous
and works justice for the oppressed
He is merciful
He is gracious
He will not hold His anger forever
He is compassionate
He remembers we are dust and sinful
He flourishes
Remember His commandments
He is established in Heaven and on Earth
Bless Him; fear Him
He is everlasting
Reading Psalm 103 this morning; I was reminded of these powerful truths. We live in a deceitful world, parading our humanness with pride, this is no surprise to God.
He consistently presses in to each one of us and patiently waits on our ignorance.
Some of us (like myself) He waits longer, abundant patience and love, teaching and molding through correction, until we finally see.
Wisdom is earned as your eyes open to truth, knowledge flows when you seek truth. It’s everlasting and unchanging.
He forgives
He heals
He redeems
He crowns you with steadfast love & mercy
He satisfies
He renews
He is righteous
and works justice for the oppressed
He is merciful
He is gracious
He will not hold His anger forever
He is compassionate
He remembers we are dust and sinful
He flourishes
Remember His commandments
He is established in Heaven and on Earth
Bless Him; fear Him
He is everlasting
Reading Psalm 103 this morning; I was reminded of these powerful truths. We live in a deceitful world, parading our humanness with pride, this is no surprise to God.
He consistently presses in to each one of us and patiently waits on our ignorance.
Some of us (like myself) He waits longer, abundant patience and love, teaching and molding through correction, until we finally see.
Wisdom is earned as your eyes open to truth, knowledge flows when you seek truth. It’s everlasting and unchanging.
More truth relating to this topic can be found in Ephesians 2:1-10:
“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Ephesians 2:1-10 ESV
https://www.bible.com/59/eph.2.1-10.esv
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Internal prejudice
I try to get out, to be around people.
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to live IN the world, but not be OF the world?
A daily battle. Facing long standing beliefs as they crumble all around you.
Local atmospheres are made up of diverse communities with eclectic interests, it's natural to begin to judge what's around you. Based on things you would do, and things you would not do.
As I spend more time with people, their stories come out. It's an honor to listen. Absorb the life they've lived up to this point. Every story reveals seasons of brokenness (which is normal) and stages of restoration, and most importantly, the endurance they've come out with or are still working through.
It's precious to be trusted with details they've perhaps held dear to them, an act of self preservation from the pain life sometimes causes.
I have stories as well. Things from the past that I've done, but would not do now.
Every day is a chance to grow. To grow in love, to grow in truth, to grow in knowledge.
Our world teaches us.
Our families and friends teach us.
But our Father still calls us to live not as the world lives. (Romans 12:2)
And also to love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)
Which is interesting because the last time I checked, we don't choose our neighbors.
I will elaborate, we don't choose our neighbors, which means the command is comprehensive. Every situation. Every form of brokenness.
A little side confession. Something I'm not proud of.
I've had two very close loved ones tell me I've said things to them recently that made them feel bad about themselves.
I failed loving my neighbor. The two that told me their truth, they live under the same roof as me. My closest neighbors, ones I did choose, they informed me I was hurting them by my words, my beliefs about them.
Ouch. Truth that hurts; but is convicting and definitely motivates a change in how I speak to them.
My initial response was "no one can make you feel bad about yourself" which is true to an extent.
But, I did pause to think about how I'm presenting my words; perhaps they do need to be softened.
Perhaps my internal prejudice is a little harsh. A little (or a lot) overbearing, and not involving enough prayer and surrender.
I do judge, much to my dismay. My prayer is to release that habit of thinking. It's not my role to judge another's action. It's a barrier between true, authentic friendship, one that is not welcome.
Not only am I judging others, but I'm judging myself. Which keeps me from being authentic with others. Yes, it's gotten better, Lord willing, I have a long way to go.
And then I remember;
Our Heavenly Father never fails at loving us. He is merciful and exemplifies grace and patience. And that is the model we can pray to follow. And it grows the more you seek, at a slow but steady pace and that's all anyone can really hope for. <3
Have you ever noticed how hard it is to live IN the world, but not be OF the world?
A daily battle. Facing long standing beliefs as they crumble all around you.
Local atmospheres are made up of diverse communities with eclectic interests, it's natural to begin to judge what's around you. Based on things you would do, and things you would not do.
As I spend more time with people, their stories come out. It's an honor to listen. Absorb the life they've lived up to this point. Every story reveals seasons of brokenness (which is normal) and stages of restoration, and most importantly, the endurance they've come out with or are still working through.
It's precious to be trusted with details they've perhaps held dear to them, an act of self preservation from the pain life sometimes causes.
I have stories as well. Things from the past that I've done, but would not do now.
Every day is a chance to grow. To grow in love, to grow in truth, to grow in knowledge.
Our world teaches us.
Our families and friends teach us.
But our Father still calls us to live not as the world lives. (Romans 12:2)
And also to love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:31)
Which is interesting because the last time I checked, we don't choose our neighbors.
I will elaborate, we don't choose our neighbors, which means the command is comprehensive. Every situation. Every form of brokenness.
A little side confession. Something I'm not proud of.
I've had two very close loved ones tell me I've said things to them recently that made them feel bad about themselves.
I failed loving my neighbor. The two that told me their truth, they live under the same roof as me. My closest neighbors, ones I did choose, they informed me I was hurting them by my words, my beliefs about them.
Ouch. Truth that hurts; but is convicting and definitely motivates a change in how I speak to them.
My initial response was "no one can make you feel bad about yourself" which is true to an extent.
But, I did pause to think about how I'm presenting my words; perhaps they do need to be softened.
Perhaps my internal prejudice is a little harsh. A little (or a lot) overbearing, and not involving enough prayer and surrender.
I do judge, much to my dismay. My prayer is to release that habit of thinking. It's not my role to judge another's action. It's a barrier between true, authentic friendship, one that is not welcome.
Not only am I judging others, but I'm judging myself. Which keeps me from being authentic with others. Yes, it's gotten better, Lord willing, I have a long way to go.
And then I remember;
Our Heavenly Father never fails at loving us. He is merciful and exemplifies grace and patience. And that is the model we can pray to follow. And it grows the more you seek, at a slow but steady pace and that's all anyone can really hope for. <3
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Reactive responses vs. a pause
I spend a lot of time in thought and prayer about relationships.
Between mothering my children, working daily at my marriage and praying over the desire for deepening friendships in those lonely moments; I'm left with some pondering about how my actions/reactions affect my relationships.
"Blessed are the peacemakers" always rings in my mind in response to the pondering.
Yearning for peace can tend to lean into avoiding conflict sometimes, because we feel as though that is the only way to peace.
Which, may be true at times. But, it most likely won't grow your relationships, it will only grow resentment.
A PAUSE.
When in reaction to anything, what's your first instinct?
Is it to spew something spiteful back? Is it to retreat and not say what you want to say? Is it to go to frustration/hurt/anger? If your kids are asking you something, do you listen to them until they finish? (OOps! I don't sometimes) Do you say yes before giving it a time of pause? Do you say no and then rethink your answer?
James 1 describes this predicament well:
"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has power to save your souls.
But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in the mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
James 1:19-27 (NLT)
That first few seconds (reaction time) can be a poignant time, one that if you are in the habit of reacting vs. pausing, can trip your relationships up a bit.
I know it has for me, and since I'm a human, it will in the future as well.
Something I've noticed though is, I have a silent expectation that I want instant responses from the people I interact with.
Not only am I reactive a lot of the time, but I'm also expecting others to be reactive.
The fruit of the spirit that I struggle with is patience. Being a person who's impulsive, active, lively, passionate, those are not fruits, they are bad habits I've formed along the way. With good intentions.
A good intention, can lead to good habits, if you pause. Just take a breath, pray, ponder for a minute or two. Find that sweet spot of making a decision based on listening first and then wrap your head around the conclusion. Try to see the other perspective, ask a few questions, steadily move to your response, which will no longer be a reaction.
Let's pray:
Father, our go to responses are in us, but they are mold-able in You. If your desire is silence, Lord help me to be silent. If your desire is action, Lord let me act. Every day, I pray I can be a better version of myself, the version YOU have created. Help me to settle in to myself, all that you created me to be, and help me to have self control and patience when in fellowship with others. Relationships are a special gift, and I want to appreciate each individual that you have placed in my life. Help each relationship in my life reach it's full potential. In Jesus name, Amen
Between mothering my children, working daily at my marriage and praying over the desire for deepening friendships in those lonely moments; I'm left with some pondering about how my actions/reactions affect my relationships.
"Blessed are the peacemakers" always rings in my mind in response to the pondering.
Yearning for peace can tend to lean into avoiding conflict sometimes, because we feel as though that is the only way to peace.
Which, may be true at times. But, it most likely won't grow your relationships, it will only grow resentment.
A PAUSE.
When in reaction to anything, what's your first instinct?
Is it to spew something spiteful back? Is it to retreat and not say what you want to say? Is it to go to frustration/hurt/anger? If your kids are asking you something, do you listen to them until they finish? (OOps! I don't sometimes) Do you say yes before giving it a time of pause? Do you say no and then rethink your answer?
James 1 describes this predicament well:
"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has power to save your souls.
But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don't obey, it is like glancing at your face in the mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don't forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.
If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
James 1:19-27 (NLT)
That first few seconds (reaction time) can be a poignant time, one that if you are in the habit of reacting vs. pausing, can trip your relationships up a bit.
I know it has for me, and since I'm a human, it will in the future as well.
Something I've noticed though is, I have a silent expectation that I want instant responses from the people I interact with.
Not only am I reactive a lot of the time, but I'm also expecting others to be reactive.
The fruit of the spirit that I struggle with is patience. Being a person who's impulsive, active, lively, passionate, those are not fruits, they are bad habits I've formed along the way. With good intentions.
A good intention, can lead to good habits, if you pause. Just take a breath, pray, ponder for a minute or two. Find that sweet spot of making a decision based on listening first and then wrap your head around the conclusion. Try to see the other perspective, ask a few questions, steadily move to your response, which will no longer be a reaction.
Let's pray:
Father, our go to responses are in us, but they are mold-able in You. If your desire is silence, Lord help me to be silent. If your desire is action, Lord let me act. Every day, I pray I can be a better version of myself, the version YOU have created. Help me to settle in to myself, all that you created me to be, and help me to have self control and patience when in fellowship with others. Relationships are a special gift, and I want to appreciate each individual that you have placed in my life. Help each relationship in my life reach it's full potential. In Jesus name, Amen
Monday, July 1, 2019
Tested by fire and testimony
I set out this morning to learn about Amos.
Let's start with the basics (as taught by my trusty Life Application Study Bible)
Purpose:
To pronounce God's judgement upon Israel for it's complacency, idolatry, oppression of the poor.
(Sound familiar?)
Amos, "Man of God" was a humble shepherd with a fiery, fearless and honest personality. I love this! I see myself in this description, yearning (and being taught) to be humble, but Amos doesn't lose that part of him that serves who he was created to be by God himself! I often am hard on myself for being "fiery and honest". I continually pray and strive to be more fearless. And Amos opens my eyes to the fact that you can confidently BE who you are, while being shaped by the Lord into a more humble, patient, selfless person.
As I read through Amos 1 there was a theme. "I will not revoke punishment." "I will send fire." "The strongholds will be devoured."
WOW. WOW. WOW.
Fire test. Have you ever experienced one? Used as punishment, but I'd like to see it as an "eye opener" and a hot invitation to seek the LORD and make things right with Him.
I've experienced a fire test. It was life changing. Faith shaking and it was scary to experience; but I am incredibly grateful for this time in my life.
It happened a few years ago. I've talked about it (It's a part of my testimony) so to summarize; Cody our youngest was 5 months old when my husband Al, suddenly was called to receive his third kidney transplant. Al's recovery was tremendously difficult and through anxious habits, I had isolated my heart to think I could do all things in my own strength. Yes, you read that right. I was not surrendering to God's will at the time and was not trusting Him. I didn't know how to ask for help, so I learned the hard way. He put me through fire, but I knew well enough to seek Him and CLING TO HIM and hold on for dear life. And, I was OK. He was so faithful, He didn't forsake me. He PROMISED me that He would carry me, I just had to keep my eyes on Him. And so I did. And my stronghold of anxiety was broken. Do I still carry some habits of anxiety? Yes, these habits were thirty years in the making, but God has continually broken those habits as I've brought them to Him and I maintain He is good. His punishment is NOT meant to take you down, it is meant to build your eyes up to Him and only Him.
I will leave you with Psalm 90, which was written by Moses. I encourage you if you have your Bible to open it and read it from your own book, but if your Bible is unavailable, I am writing it out below from the ESV Bible.
From Everlasting to Everlasting
Psalm 90 A prayer of Moses, the man of God.
Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations.
Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
You return man to dust and you say, "Return, O children of man!" For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night.
You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream,
like grass that is renewed in the morning:
in the morning it flourishes and is renewed;
in the evening it fades and withers.
For we are brought to an end by your anger;
by your wrath we are dismayed.
You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.
For all our days pass away under your wrath; we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty;
yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away.
Who considers the power of your anger, and your wrath according to the fear of you?
So teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Return, O LORD! How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let your work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands!
Let's start with the basics (as taught by my trusty Life Application Study Bible)
Purpose:
To pronounce God's judgement upon Israel for it's complacency, idolatry, oppression of the poor.
(Sound familiar?)
Amos, "Man of God" was a humble shepherd with a fiery, fearless and honest personality. I love this! I see myself in this description, yearning (and being taught) to be humble, but Amos doesn't lose that part of him that serves who he was created to be by God himself! I often am hard on myself for being "fiery and honest". I continually pray and strive to be more fearless. And Amos opens my eyes to the fact that you can confidently BE who you are, while being shaped by the Lord into a more humble, patient, selfless person.
As I read through Amos 1 there was a theme. "I will not revoke punishment." "I will send fire." "The strongholds will be devoured."
WOW. WOW. WOW.
Fire test. Have you ever experienced one? Used as punishment, but I'd like to see it as an "eye opener" and a hot invitation to seek the LORD and make things right with Him.
I've experienced a fire test. It was life changing. Faith shaking and it was scary to experience; but I am incredibly grateful for this time in my life.
It happened a few years ago. I've talked about it (It's a part of my testimony) so to summarize; Cody our youngest was 5 months old when my husband Al, suddenly was called to receive his third kidney transplant. Al's recovery was tremendously difficult and through anxious habits, I had isolated my heart to think I could do all things in my own strength. Yes, you read that right. I was not surrendering to God's will at the time and was not trusting Him. I didn't know how to ask for help, so I learned the hard way. He put me through fire, but I knew well enough to seek Him and CLING TO HIM and hold on for dear life. And, I was OK. He was so faithful, He didn't forsake me. He PROMISED me that He would carry me, I just had to keep my eyes on Him. And so I did. And my stronghold of anxiety was broken. Do I still carry some habits of anxiety? Yes, these habits were thirty years in the making, but God has continually broken those habits as I've brought them to Him and I maintain He is good. His punishment is NOT meant to take you down, it is meant to build your eyes up to Him and only Him.
I will leave you with Psalm 90, which was written by Moses. I encourage you if you have your Bible to open it and read it from your own book, but if your Bible is unavailable, I am writing it out below from the ESV Bible.
From Everlasting to Everlasting
Psalm 90 A prayer of Moses, the man of God.
Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations.
Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
You return man to dust and you say, "Return, O children of man!" For a thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past, or as a watch in the night.
You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream,
like grass that is renewed in the morning:
in the morning it flourishes and is renewed;
in the evening it fades and withers.
For we are brought to an end by your anger;
by your wrath we are dismayed.
You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.
For all our days pass away under your wrath; we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty;
yet their span is but toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away.
Who considers the power of your anger, and your wrath according to the fear of you?
So teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Return, O LORD! How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let your work be shown to your servants, and your glorious power to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands!
Friday, June 28, 2019
The need to write
As a published author, my mind is always writing. I have many snippets that I've jotted down, with no intentions of publishing them, but where do I put them? Perhaps here?
I haven't been consistent with the blogging world, I have an old blog that I will be visiting and reading, to piece together the past that was erased from anxiety. What's emerging? A new creation. It began a few years ago, as a culmination of discovering a faith in God that is personal. A testimony of God's faithfulness, patience and abundant grace.
I have a quiet urging deep inside to begin (or continue if we look at the facts?) blogging. I am an open book, but for some reason, the blog, well, that's more like a public journal. It stems from the feelings of failure when I look at the "breaks" between my posts and continues with self doubt; who wants to read my thoughts? What makes them worthy of anyone's time?
I speak to people often, people I connect to on that soul level, we all have the same conclusions.
"Know God; read His book"
That's the secret to wisdom. So as an author, how do I top that? What's already written? Why does God call me to write, when the prophesies and promises of his faithfulness are already in one place?
I'll tell you why. It's not for glory or fame, it's to continue witnessing what God, who is still VERY present is doing in the lives of every day people. That's my job. It's a big job in my life, but a microscopic job for our great Father in Heaven. He's Almighty, He can accomplish anything and He can turn the heart of anyone at any time. He waits for us to be ready to see what He is willing to teach us.
I think of Saul. A history of Killing Christians; only to meet God Himself and have a heart change. Meet Paul. Paul the Apostle.
A quote from the Life Application Study Bible:
"God did not waste any part of Paul- his background, his training, his citizenship, his mind, or even his weaknesses. Are you willing to let God do the same for you? You will never know all He can do with you until you allow him to have all you are!"
I haven't been consistent with the blogging world, I have an old blog that I will be visiting and reading, to piece together the past that was erased from anxiety. What's emerging? A new creation. It began a few years ago, as a culmination of discovering a faith in God that is personal. A testimony of God's faithfulness, patience and abundant grace.
I have a quiet urging deep inside to begin (or continue if we look at the facts?) blogging. I am an open book, but for some reason, the blog, well, that's more like a public journal. It stems from the feelings of failure when I look at the "breaks" between my posts and continues with self doubt; who wants to read my thoughts? What makes them worthy of anyone's time?
I speak to people often, people I connect to on that soul level, we all have the same conclusions.
"Know God; read His book"
That's the secret to wisdom. So as an author, how do I top that? What's already written? Why does God call me to write, when the prophesies and promises of his faithfulness are already in one place?
I'll tell you why. It's not for glory or fame, it's to continue witnessing what God, who is still VERY present is doing in the lives of every day people. That's my job. It's a big job in my life, but a microscopic job for our great Father in Heaven. He's Almighty, He can accomplish anything and He can turn the heart of anyone at any time. He waits for us to be ready to see what He is willing to teach us.
I think of Saul. A history of Killing Christians; only to meet God Himself and have a heart change. Meet Paul. Paul the Apostle.
A quote from the Life Application Study Bible:
"God did not waste any part of Paul- his background, his training, his citizenship, his mind, or even his weaknesses. Are you willing to let God do the same for you? You will never know all He can do with you until you allow him to have all you are!"
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