Are you Parenting Confidently?

 I'm going to share some wisdom and encouragement, I've learned over the last few months.

If you find yourself feeling like you are failing as a parent, it may be an invitation to look deeper into your own "stuff" ❤️

I've found when I struggle as a mom, trying to navigate challenges the right way, I feel as though my confidence gets shaken. Have you ever tried to lead without confidence? It certainly brings forth a new level of challenges.

I'd venture to say you are actually not failing as a parent, though parenting isn't for the faint of heart, there is a real necessity to learn how to lead well, and the hardest part, doing it with gentleness and love. 

We can sometimes take our kids behaviors as a direct assault against us, though this happens frequently, it's not productive to take your children's behaviors personally. 

We can remember they are children (yes, even the big ones who aren't quite adults yet, we call them adolescents, Lord help me, those years are unique, but not all bad 😉) 

Kids/adolescents/teens NEED our stability to anchor their instability. 

Yes, it's a hard generation to live right now, and I truly believe it is downright impossible to do it without guidance from God. His Word IS an instruction manual to everything that life throws at you! (If you haven't already, I'd suggest you start reading the book of Proverbs.)

There's no easy button, we have been lied to, struggles are expected and we can let them take us down to a pit of paralyzing despair (I've been there) or we can take it as an opportunity to take one baby step forward and gain momentum while God holds our hand.

This generation is going somewhere, I see God's hand in this and I encourage you to seek and learn His ways. They are 100% the right choice every time. 

❤️

"Believe"

 I'm drinking my morning "hug in a cup" (AKA Coffee) from a mug that has a whimsical horse on it and the word "Believe"

The mug I choose for the day is definitely a proclamation of my mood. 

Do your coffee cups speak your mind like mine do?

I have one that says "Live a Life of Purpose" it's simple natural tones; yet the bold white letters speak louder than the muted tones. It's one of my favorite cups, yet today, as we prepare to go look at a local horse property, I'm in the "dreamy" mood.

We are in the thick of researching a relocation. I've been dreaming of this for over 20 years, the dream hasn't silenced so I just keep praying that it falls together. At this point, I'm feeling some turmoil. Should we stay where we are or should we pursue a big move. So we continue to explore our options, by looking at local properties as well as planning future road trips to the locations I've researched. It's a tedius process when there is no "direction" driving the relocation. The dream has grown stronger and God has nudged us along over the years assuring me my prayers will be answered as I align my "wants" to His Will. 

I've been a little discouraged over the last year or so, we are within a few years of the "good timing window" (if there is such a thing) and the thought of uprooting my family for no good reason other than to follow a dream, seems...risky. My husband runs his business here, so we don't have the justified reason to move such as "work relocation" and it will take a lot of trust to take the leap to unknown territory. We've also visited multiple "possibilities" over the last year and none of them feel like "the one" to plant our roots.

The last few days, while working through my Bible study "NO OTHER GODS" by Kelly Minter, I have been reminded of the Israelites who left Egypt, wandering in the wilderness for 40 years and then started almost fantasizing about going back to where they started. Even though God's assurance that He would give them land flowing with milk and honey, there was still doubt. They wanted to go back to what was familiar, even though it was not good for them to be there. (The reference point for that particular study day is Numbers 13 and 14)

I have hope that if I keep praying and keeping "Believing" and keep "hoping" that the Lord will guide us directly into the path of His Will and that my dream is in close parallel to where we are called to serve. 

Process

 I’ve been saying “there is so much to process right now” as my response to so many things. 6 months in to Covid and so much has changed in our world. So much, on a scale of 1-100, I’d say our world is hovering around the 101 mark on the level of unfamiliar! 

Jump forward to a completely different direction and think about a long period of perseverance, “it’s a process” comes to mind.

Two completely different ideas; yet they are connected by one word; Perseverance. 

Something I didn’t think I had for many years. Being an impulsive sort of person doesn’t often leave the fruit of perseverance.

My heart is in a place of processing not what’s happening in the world (to be honest that can be overwhelming) but what’s happening on the level of my heart. 

So much is out of our control, yet, we can learn and grow from any circumstances and with God there alongside us, we know the outcome is promising. 

Process 

Perceptions and how not to Let them get you Down

 When you do things outside of the societal mold, be ready to be perceived differently. 

Perceptions will drive people’s opinions about you and if they don’t take the time to get to know you or your situation, their perceptions will be wrong and often hurtful. 

That’s not a reason not to be extraordinary, it is just an eye opening fact that you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

It can be hard to accept, but it’s a reality. 

Moral of the story; Battle against judging others. Take the time to understand those you are forming opinions about. ❤️

Unbreakable Spirit

 I was sitting outside with my son watching him and playing along as he "planted trees" and crashed his monster trucks and I started thinking about how the Spirit is in us. The same Spirit that battled against sin and won, is in us. "Our Helper". (John 14)

I know my writing focuses a lot on getting through hard times, and this post is no different. Times are hard right now, I want nothing more than to offer practical tools of encouragement to anyone who may be reading today. 

How do I encourage? Through sharing truth. It's hard sometimes to weed through the lies and what's true. Especially if you are listening to the news and all of the perceptions of what people think is happening on any given day.

What if you settle the noise outside and start settling on the Helper that is in you? 

I've read Scripture about what it's like to live "worldly" and it doesn't often end up very well. Yet, we all fall into it. Some times more frequently than other times, but no matter how Holy you think you are, there will be times (or certainly have been times in your past) when you have fallen "victim". You feel down and out, truly overwhelmed. What then? It's hard to climb out of those times isn't it? It can even feel hopeless.

Let's shift our mind to the Helper that is already inside of us, waiting to battle for us. Let me reword, He's already battling for us, yet we don't often notice. I tend to notice all of the work the Lord has done after the circumstance has passed. 

If we want to live in the victory of an unbreakable spirit, we need to realize how victorious we already are in Christ. This takes a lot of thought pattern habit breaking to do, but reading truth will help tremendously.

"What if....?" 

"Even then".

No matter what the end of your "What if" question is, Jesus, your Holy Spirit and Helper has got it. 

"Even then" 

If God is for us, who can be against us?

And then it hit me!

 I wrote this post in 2014; one of my favorite things to do is look back and recognize "full circle". This lightbulb moment I had then, it's still true today. God's Promises are unchanging, though our emotions do change, He is stable and faithful. 

July 25, 2014

Friends, it's been a while since I have been feeling led to write. Today, I have a message. I've been suffering inside. I've been feeling, discontent, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, stress overall, just miserable. I kept moving forward, day by day, keeping that smile on my face and my optimistic perspective, but deep down, it's been less than desirable. 

Things in life are getting in my way of happiness, or so that is the mask that I've been allowing myself to believe. Until today. I have some clarity. The enemy wants to pull people away from God. The closer you get to God, the harder the enemy tries to get between you and the TRUTH. Until this moment, I was allowing that to happen, through confusion and chaos, I was leaving a door wide open to allow darkness to come in and steal the relationship I have with the Lord. My guard is up again and I am holding on to my faith. It's a daily choice, lightness or darkness. I have found I can't let my guard down for even a second, because Jesus is the only way for me to see TRUTH in each day. A walk with the Lord is a faith filled walk, but it's a walk that must be committed to with the help of the Holy Spirit. 

"The enemy is like the weeds in a garden, if you don't tend to the flowers faithfully, the weeds sneak in and overtake the beauty of the garden. The weeds are always lurking and creeping, if they aren't uprooted they flourish and they overtake what's been planted. But, it's never too late! You can clear the weeds and the beauty of the garden comes back looking better than ever! Just like with God, every day is new." -Karrie Viscogliosi

You see, I wasn't always so close to God. I didn't work to build a relationship with God until well into my adult years. And, that's when my life changed. I was so enamored with a life that was filled with the Holy Spirit, which has been and continues to be such a blessing! As with everything else though, I go all in and my reality and logic gets cluttered when I am excited about something new and now, the realities of day to day living have once again snuck in. 

God is so good about holding my hand through this life and I am so thankful that no matter what I am feeling, I always have Him to lean on. He's been gently urging me to read my Bible and I humbly admit, I have ignored the gentle urges. The Bible has been the missing link. It has all of the answers I need, the answers I have been seeking from places outside of the Word, the Scripture, the Life Book. 

No wonder I've been missing a key piece of my happiness, I've been allowing life and all if it's hectic busyness to keep me away from The Word of God. His whispers have turned much more audible and honestly, I finally picked up that Holy Book. One night I wasn't able to sleep, I was filled with anxiety and I just needed some peace. I picked up my book. 

Once, a few years back, I was told, if you don't know where to start, when you read the Bible, start with getting to know Jesus. The books Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are a great place to start. So I have. 

God is always there for me, he always knows just what to say, and He always knows how to get that loud and clear message to me. I will hold on to that, and trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and with all of my soul and with all of my mind. (Proverbs 3:5)

Change

 I was a child who loved change; to the point where I was described as "fickle" by my best friend. 

The best example of my love for change was the state of my bedroom as a girl. As soon as I was strong enough, I would regularly move my furniture to different locations in my room. My parents didn't love the fact that I would move the wall hangings around too! There were holes all over the walls. I am laughing at the fact that I never used a hammer, but a pair of heels to hammer the nails in. I did things quite creatively or perhaps we can call it innovative! :)

The first night of my bed facing a different direction was always a challenge to fall asleep, but overall, it was thrilling to shift my "world" and I did it frequently! 

Looking back, I don't know who that was because I'm not a super fan of change right now at almost 40.

Some change is good, of course, but the way life has been, it seems no matter what you choose to go forward, there is more weight to that decision. 

We are currently facing a new school year. A new school year as a conclusion to the summer some of us may have thought would never end! Yet, here we are. Facing a new, yet familiar time of the calendar year. 

I've been reflective about how much has changed since early March, when life was different. 

"Pre-Covid Times". 

I look upon "Pre-Covid Times" fondly; even though our world was quite broken then, it felt "normal".

Now, we are looking at "normal" events, such as #backtoschool yet, there is a different feel. 

Some of the change over the months has been met with downright grief and disappointment. Some of the change over the months has turned out OK, even better than the old way. We hopefully can agree some good things have come out of the changes we are seeing in this world. 

So, this is my check in. 

How are you?

Are you having good days and bad days?

Maybe today is a bad day? I'm here for you. 

Maybe today is a good day? What gratitude comes from the good days!

Maybe today is a new endeavor? Always a little exciting, yet nervewracking!

Maybe you are going back to work; the work that you haven't been to since early March? Or maybe starting a new job? 

Maybe your kids are going to remote learning every day?

Maybe you are struggling to balance work and helping your kids with homework from various grade levels?

Maybe your kids are returning to school in person, while wearing a mask all day as staying distant from their friends? 

Maybe you are feeling the weight of all of the division going on?

Maybe you have lost a loved one and are working through the grief of that heartbreaking reality? 

Whatever the case is for today, I pray you see God. I pray you see His love and dedication to inviting us to lean into Him. I pray your heart is OK, that it's not hurting, and if it is, that you feel true mercy very soon. 

Peace be with you,
Karrie

What is church?

I'm going through a period of really missing church. Yes, we've followed the "live" feeds every week from the comforts of home, but that is not the same.
We've even had the luxury of listening to worship on the go! It's not the same.

What is it about the building we call "church" that makes it so special?

Well, I'll start by saying, the Spirit comes where people gather. Prayers are heard, praise is sung. Truth is preached.

I've heard the argument that church is wherever God is, you don't need a building to worship.

After facing locked doors for over 100 days, I'd like to venture out and state, this argument couldn't be more wrong.

There is something about the building, God's House.

Sure, the people inside are sinners, but they go to this place to seek God. Where else can we go to seek God and have truth fed into our souls?

Some may say nature is church. Being a lover of nature, I really can't argue that the Holy Spirit is present in nature. God's Divine Creation is definitely worthy of our appreciation.

Whats missing when you aren't in the physical House of God?

Accountability. In church we gather as believers, seeking to praise God.

Repentance. The chance to openly confess sin and have a blessing over us that validates we are free from what we have confessed.

Soul Food. There is no other place I can go in and come out a better, more joyful version of myself. My soul is fed in God's House.

Fellowship. If you are like me, sometimes fellowship is hard. I tend to not quite fit in a lot of the time, but in church, there is an unspoken unity that helps my guards to fall away. When our voices come together in song, even if I haven't connected with anyone up to that moment, connection is there in our unified melodies.

The Word of God. Any good church has a lot of The Word. Gifted Pastors stand up to speak a message that is rich with truth. I crave truth. I read my Bible at home and work to understand the message, but there is something about hearing God's Word in God's House that really nourishes my faith seed from mustard size to fertilized!

What is church?
Church is a body of believers who seek to know God's character on a personal level. There are many faults with "organized religion" but that makes perfect sense because church is run by sinful humans.

If you do anything: pray for your church. If you don't belong to a church, pray for any church that's mission is to understand and apply God's Word to individual lives. Not just the Word that we agree with, but all of it. So help us God.

Feeling like Groundhog Day?

As a stay at home mom, I often feel like I am doing the same things every day. I will be honest and say, yes, it feels mundane at times, and yes, I get kind of tired of the same same same.

We are a few weeks into staying home. This life for many looks very different than it did before. I can't help but think, perhaps some of you may be feeling the same way. We've come face to face with the mundane.

When I write from the heart, I would like to make it clear, I am not complaining. My underlying feel is this is the life I have always dreamed of. Being a mom was the one thing I have wanted to be since as long as I can remember. I am blessed beyond measure to have three children and I marvel at them almost every day.

What no one tells you about is the incessant "needs" that arise leading a family. It can leave you feeling ill equipped for the job. What do we do with that feeling?

This is when gaining your footing; AKA perspective comes in.

I often am struck with the weight of my day when I am tackling laundry. Everything can be going well, until I face the laundry! There are many things that seem never ending. For me, it's laundry. What's your insurmountable task?

 It's interesting, when you are facing something mindless that must get done almost everyday, you get time to think.

I think when I go for long walks as well, but that's something I enjoy!

What's even more interesting is the content of my thoughts when I am doing something I enjoy (like walking) vs. something I don't enjoy (like laundry). Both are essential but one brings joy and one takes much more self discipline to complete.

When I'm walking, I find gratitude comes incredibly easy. I am taking in the sights and enjoying the movement of my body and the time I get to just ponder.

When I'm doing laundry, I'm still spending time doing something, but my thoughts (when I'm not putting any effort into them) tend to be more negative. Less grateful, more bitter.

I call this perspective. Knowing this about myself, helps me in the long run. You see, I don't settle for negative thoughts ruling my mind, I have learned to allow them to pass through and then set them straight on truth.

Dark days tend to take more effort to set those thoughts straight, but ultimately, the choice comes in when you have to decide if you are going to sit in the negative or seek the positive.

I want to encourage you to pay attention to your thoughts. We have a lot of them each day! Let's make them quality thoughts.



Philippians 4:8 "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

A few words about Repentance

Good morning friends,

Let me open by saying “God works out of love and faithfulness” He will stop at nothing to join us as we live our days. That’s His call on each of our hearts, to draw near to Him in all circumstances and His actions are Just, and overflowing with goodness and mercy.

With that said, we must open our eyes to what’s going on around us. These days may be bringing some unsteady emotions. It may be scary, it may be frustrating, whatever it is, it’s definitely changing how we spend our time. I’ve spent some time reflecting on the fact that if this was even just a few years ago, my peace about this storm would be radically different. As you may know, anxiety was my overactive default for over 30 years. What anxiety does is, it takes what’s happening around you and terrorizes your thoughts on various levels. I have been there. I am speaking from the other side of it though, anxiety no longer shackles me. God lifted me above those circumstances of fear and I have no doubt that He can and will do the same for you. He works in His perfect timing. Think of the coronavirus as a personal invitation to turn towards God and away from all other distractions.

In my Thursday morning Bible Study, we are currently studying the Kings in a book titled “Trustworthy” by Lysa Terkeurst. The Kings each started with good intentions of leading well, but as more power was given, they each fell away from God’s direction and into pride, even the “Best Kings” of that day, had faults. Leading into the fact that humans play a part in God’s story but the second we fall away from His direction and begin leaning into our own actions and emotions, things fall apart. God is so faithful, He continues to draw us back in and calls us to repentance. We can be so blind for so long and then one day, God’s message pierces our heart. The epicenter of our soul. This is the time to tune in to your epicenter friends! This is a time that God is calling you personally, bodly, swiftly and faithfully. It’s amazing if you think of the infinite scale in which God seamlessly goes to, to reach His people, whom He Loves.

We are being called to repent, and to do so, with fear of the Lord. (Fear in this context should be noted as “respect” and “surrender”)

Jesus said “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will love it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 10:34-39

(A few notes on this Scripture from the NLT version of the “Life Application Study Bible” are noted here:  “Jesus was overwhelmed with compassionate pity for the people. His response echoes the deep inner mercy of God, often described in the Old Testament. Jesus came to be the Shepherd, the one who could show people how to avoid pitfalls. Many people are ready to give their lives to Christ if someone would show them how. Often when we pray for something, God answers our prayers by using us.)

Our world is running rampant with “Idols”. Perhaps the idols in your heart are not figures on an alter, but more so, actions like; chasing the American Dream, the next dollar, your next cup of coffee? We are seeking worldly fulfillment and allowing ourselves to be distracted from our Savior, our Holy God, the Spirit that lives IN us. The time is upon us as a few have claimed. Wrath, correction, sanctification is necessary and welcome. “Holy Spirit purify and humble me so that I no longer grieve you” is the song in my heart today.

What is all of this telling us? I believe it’s a call to seek Him with our whole heart. A call to surrender. A call to cling to God and to ask Him what in your life has grieved Him and what He’s asking you to share with Him.

“Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synogogues, and you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them and the Gentiles. When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. For it is not you who speak, but the Sprit of your Father speaking through you.” Matthew 10:16-20 (“We must find a balance between wisdom and vulnerability to accomplish God’s work.” “In times of persecution, we can be confident because Jesus has “overcome the world” John 16:33 “Jesus is telling us not to stop preparing but to stop worrying.” Life Application Study Bible)

Sin is standing between us and God. Jesus said “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” Matthew 4:17 On the cross, Jesus won the battle for us. We are called to turn our hearts to God and submit to Him in all our ways. As I’ve learned, God directs each step and brings to mind the loving conviction of what I have done in the past that can be dropped at the foot of the cross.

Do not fear. See the bigger picture. See that God’s work is GOOD and we can come before Him and humbly ask Him to cleanse us of ALL unrighteousness. The Blood of the Lamb is waiting to wash over you and make you New.

Oh what awaits when your soul is FREED.

One Word: 2020

Do you make New Year's Resolutions? I used to. Until I realized, I didn't have a strong "stick to it" attitude growing up, so I was one of those that would set resolutions and then fall away from them after a few weeks. It's hard to change isn't it? Especially when the effort is to try to change for the better.

We have deep rooted characteristics that are sometimes impossible to change. Some are good, some, as we know are not helpful to our groove. Bad habits...

I had a bad habit of doing what I wanted, to suit my own comfort levels.This bad habit, created many subtle habits and behaviors  On the surface that isn't terrible, afterall, there's that saying "no one will take care of you, but you". We live in kind of a "survival mode" society. We all know someone who is just trying to get by, on auto drive. If we can get ourselves and our families moving in the right direction, then we are good right? We feel like we are winning at life.

Is that all there is to life though? Keeping up with the grind? Have you ever tried to go against the grind? Talk about a challenge!

I have a feeling I am not the only one suffering from living in this "every man for himself" society.

I hope I'm not alone when I say how lonely it is to live in a world where everyone is on auto pilot. It feels mechanical and cold and isolating. And if you look at the faces of those around you, you may be see the misery of their stress. It's hard to hide when we are in the thick of it.

It's everywhere too. At church, at family gatherings, in stores. Even in my own home (though I battle against it, we fall victim too).

We are looking at a new year ahead of us. A new year is a chance to look at your past and define what turning points you are going to grab hold of.

If you are like me and you struggle to stick with resolutions, I encourage you to look at it through a different lens. If you have a desire to make a change, seek a healthy solution. I'm a big fan of looking to God in prayer. I KNOW He's listening, I KNOW He answers prayers. So why not ask Him to help you change the things in your life that aren't quite making sense. If you are feeling the weight of our world, try praying for more peace. Try praying that God will open your eyes and your heart to thankfulness in the midst of your everyday. Try praying that He will surround you with people who seek His will and will fit the role of wise counsel. (That's my current prayer)

One thing I find to be doable, is choosing one word each year. A word to focus on and see where it leads me.

God gave me my word this year. It's not like that every year, but this year, it was a clear word, and I might add, it's not a word I use very often, which is why I find it so perfect.

I am magnifying the word "Examine" for 2020. I've been kind of pondering the word "Examine" for a few days, and then the validations came in. I was reading scripture the other day and fell upon Acts 17:11 "Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so."

It's interesting because through this word, I also see the opportunity to dive into reading the Bible even more. I'm craving the Word, I'm craving TRUTH. I'm craving being a light in the social circles God has placed me in. "I can do all things through him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13

Yesterday, in church, it was revealed to me how different my heart is now vs. when I was younger. When I was younger, doing things my own way, I was fine, or so I thought, but my soul was dehydrated by my flesh. I looked around me at the families I've been worshiping with and having fellowship with and I felt gratitude in knowing what wisdom looks like. I wasn't wise then and to be honest, I still don't have all the answers. But I have the resource with all the wisdom I could ever need, it's The Bible. I have it in my possession, free to read it anytime. It's full of insight and revelations and validation which builds my confidence in surrendering everything to Jesus, who saved me from myself. After communion, I wanted to read Ephesians 6, "The Armor of God." Instead my eye was pulled to Ephesians 4:17-24 (Verses 22-24 really hits home) "17Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. 18They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. 19They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. 20But that is not the way you learned Christ! ---21assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, 22to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."

This gives new meaning to the "New Year; New You" saying. What's imperative to know is we can not change in our own strength. Changes occur on a heart level. So allowing your heart to be Examined by God and allowing Him to refine you, that is something to see. It's not simple, infact it's much more complicated than we can ever fathom. The intricate details of His work that's already in your life begins to become more clear and, in His Almighty Perfection, amazing things are happening. So, if you do anything this year, just let Him who is Holy work in you. 

7 reasons not to worry...

My home has a lot of worry in it. If one person isn't worrying or stressed about something, someone else is going through emotions. We kind of all take turns being stressed. Sound familiar? It's neverending, so I turn to the Word to help me weather it while clinging to God and knowing He calls us not to worry, but what does that look like? With a long history of anxiety, worry feels like a part of my DNA!

Matthew 6 is rich with reassurance!

In my study bible, I found a great verse reference list titled "7 reasons not to worry"

I encourage you to use this list as a reference point and follow up with some study time on your own.

6:25......"The same God who created life in you can be trusted with the details of your life."

6:26......"worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today."

6:27..... "worrying is more harmful than helpful."

6:28-30......"God does not ignore those who depend on Him"

6:31, 32....."worrying shows a lack of faith in and understanding of God."

6:33......"worrying keeps us from real challenges God wants us to pursue."

6:34....."living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry."

This list is tangible evidence of God's will. I don't know about you but sometimes I struggle with what battles God wants me all in on and what battles are not welcome in His will. My habits of worrying have brought more stress and unrest into my life and I see in my family, they struggle with the same. Anxiety is heavy, and very very common. Verses 31 and 32 get me in the heart. Even when I think I am faithful and gaining understanding about God, I still struggle with discerning His will and what to do as we "sit in the mess". What I do know is the here  and now. What I know is the more I pray, the more I get to know God. The more I seek Him, the more He opens my heart to find more peace. The more I read and study the Word, the more life makes sense. The more I work to keep my heart open to God, the more I can let go of my worries.

It's a constant decision and there are countless opportunities for changes in the life of a busy mom. One step at a time. For today, I am going to soak up the 7 truths listed above and see where that takes us. More surrender, more peace.

Walking aches

I have a consistent nagging at my heart.
My kids well being.
It's a big undertaking to raise a family.
I admit, it does consume me sometimes.
This is one of those times.

My oldest is a Junior in high school, my middle is a 6th grader at a new school and my youngest is in a parents morning out program as a newly turned 3 year old. Every time my kids are at school, I have to surrender them to the Lord.
We are in a season where the world isn't super kind to them. Being a new student is rough and I can't tell you how many times I've heard my son tell me he has no friends over the last few months. Breaks. My. Heart!
My daughter has established friendships, but it's been a rough few years as she works through a friendship that isn't the most healthy. Friendships change and she looks for people who enjoy what she enjoys. (She rides horses, anyone who's kid's ride horses know the strength of this passion. It's amazing in SO MANY WAYS, grows responsibility and leadership, but there is a sort of isolation that comes with the territory because you are primarily working with animals and it's not really a "team sport". Many kids her age "don't get it") I look at baby number 3 and think, "don't ever grow up my love!!" He's so sweet and innocent and "the world" hasn't gotten to him yet.

We are created to be unique: one-of-a-kind.
Middle school in particular isn't super kind to individuality.
My 6th grader is through and through one-of-a-kind. He's an old soul, very outgoing and happy go lucky. He's also sarcastic (sometimes at inappropriate times) he likes to rub elbows with adults who appreciate his humor. His peers though, aren't as encouraging and he's shut down as being "annoying". True honesty, I don't know many 11 year old boys who aren't annoying. God love 'em!!
I find it to be pretty normal, yet it's an ache we work through.

Walking aches. Aches over how my kids are treated. Aches over how my kids respond when I'm not there. Aches over how it is affecting their souls.

I try to balance loving them hard (since truly, aside from God, NO ONE can love them like their family can) and also giving them independence to spread their wings. It's agonizing for me. Can you relate?

Our oldest is at an age where she is mostly making her own decisions, I encourage her to live boldly, and remind her (in her perfectionist ways) that mistakes will happen and the art of a good apology is a necessary piece of life.

These seasons of learning and growing, are not easy. There is a lot of breaking of the heart and then our good Father in Heaven, shapes it back together to look more like Jesus. Sorrow, lament, it's honestly quite normal. I don't like it very much; it's vulnerable to share the shattered pieces of the heart, but I truly believe it holds a worthy spot in our story.

From sadness; compassion grows. From trials; perseverance grows. From struggles; wisdom grows.

I just pray from these battles they experience, their hearts remain steadfast in the Lord. That is truly the only way to survive living in this world. And there are times where they are distant from Him. I look back when I was their age and I certainly was distant from Him as well! I look at them and just cherish the gift they are.
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I have to share what just happened. God is so good!

I "saved" this post to be published in the future. Closed my computer and started my devotion time.

If you've been reading my blog, the last post was about my just concluded study on Gideon. My small group and I have decided on our next study; "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkeurst .

I literally just finished typing about my "walking aches" and picked up "Trustworthy" to start reading the introduction.

I'm going to quote a few paragraphs from the book, Lysa is describing a scene in her house that's under renovation and relating it to her heart.

"The demolition was not a sign of irreparable problems. It was a sign of intentional progress. But I couldn't say the same about the busted up places in my heart. Not right now. Not yet.

When I stood and looked in the mirror, my demolished heart wasn't quite as easy to see as the walls in my house. The brokenness certainly revealed things, but they weren't as easy to identify as pipes and wires. They were strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma, and distrust.

Distrust. There it was. The biggest of all the issues that resided beneath my surface. The ripping open and exposing of my heart had certainly revealed something I needed to see but didn't dare want to admit.

About me. About God. And about my utter lack of trust in Him."

Whoa. I hear you God.

I can't wait to read more of this study and listen to God as he mends my broken heart.

Gideon: Your weakness. God's STRENGTH

I just completed the Gideon Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer. Have you done this study?

The group I lead on Thursdays, it's more of a fellowship group, with the backbone of a study or a book we choose to dig into deeper. Our purpose is to get together and be there for each other every week throughout the school year. This group means a lot to me, so I try to choose books that will really help us grow as individuals and as a group.

Gideon, particularly this study, was one I started with a different study group, but when I had baby number 3, I didn't quite get to finish it. It's been 3 years since baby number 3 was born and it's been calling my name for quite some time. Fun fact: we even named our cat Gideon when we brought him home a little over a year ago!

The book I ordered off of Amazon was a used book, so imagine this:

Person number 1 has the book and took a few notes in it here and there. Person number 2 (ME!) started it in 2016 and took some notes. Now, person number 2 (me; round 2) goes back to finish. There is so much that has changed in my perceptions of what these questions are really asking. And every time I see the writing from person number 1, I pray for them, whomever and where ever they are, they are covered in prayer. I find that to be pretty cool. 

Gideon is an interesting character. Gideon is found by an angel with a message from God that he is going to deliver Israel from under the hand of Midian. Judges 6:7-12: "When they cried out to the Lord because of Midian, the Lord sent a prophet to the Israelites. He said, "This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I brought you up out of slavery in Egypt. I rescued you from the Egyptians and from all who oppressed you. I drove out your enemies and gave you their land. I told you, 'I am the Lord your God. You must not worship the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you now live. ' But you have not listened to me."
Then the Angel of the Lord came and sat beneath the great tree at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash of the clan of Abiezer. Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of the winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, "Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!"

Gideon was quite apprehensive at first. Imagine being tucked away in your laundry room, working away at your daily "mundane" tasks and then all of a sudden; a call to battle! It seems impossible doesn't it?? Or atleast you may wonder if you are hearing that call and is it really for you??

Yet, God, chipped away at Gideon, he chipped away at the people he placed in line to help and from the looks of things, it would not end well, yet...spoiler alert... they had a victory! Full story can be found in the book of Judges 6-8.

This is a big accomplishment and yes, Gideon did let it go to his head a little bit, but ultimately, God's work was done.

Where does this leave us?

I will tell you where it left me.

I've wrestled with the questions :

"Am I fulfilling God's will as He's calling me to do, or am I putting my own spin on what I think I hear?"

"Am I doing what I do, to give God all of the glory, or am I doing what I do for accolades?"

These are not easy questions. My hope is that God gets all of the glory all of the time, but I am human and I know that even if I think God is getting all of the glory, there has to be a glimmer of pride growing deep down and I want to keep a handle on it. So I wrestle.

The way the study was outlined is truly brilliant. We learned facts about Gideon. Relate able facts. As we moved through, I could put myself in Gideon's "sandals" (as the author
, Priscilla words it). I also was able to look more deeply at the idols I carry in my life. I can honestly say I haven't built alters like the Israelites did, but I certainly have smaller scale idols. We all do and they put a wedge between our hearts and God's Will. Honestly, it's good to look at what's holding you captive and putting distance between you and God and then look at it and tear it down.

"Your weakness. God's STRENGTH" is really highlighted as we looked at the tools God gave Gideon to fight the Midianites and the small size of his army, in comparison with the opposing team. Do you ever feel that way? Like the tools you have just don't measure up? Does it discourage you? Do you trust God to work with whatever you have? I dance between the two on a fairly regular basis. It's good to have light brought to the facts in our days. Once we are aware of what we are working with, God is free in our lives to do what He does best!

I had a fantastic revelation yesterday when I finished the Gideon study and then it was solidified in church. I love when the pieces fall together and in true fashion of the purpose of this blog, I will share with you what that revelation was.

The Gideon study uses hashtags at the end of each day. Sort of a summary of what you learned in a hashtag. My hashtags yesterday were:

#God will (is) demonstrate His Strength THROUGH ME (Because He is IN ME)

#convertGoodIntentionsintoObedientActions.

This study gave me confidence in KNOWING God is IN ME and will work THROUGH ME to shine His light upon the world.

Do you ever wonder if what you have in you is enough to accomplish what you are being asked to do? I find that to be a road block for me sometimes. I know God is leading me, yet I don't yet have the confidence to believe He will carry me all the way through sometimes. It's this tangible surrender from control to freedom. So it's a good struggle, but I needed confirmation that God is already IN me, and this study broke that chain for me. If you know Christ and have given your life to Him, He LIVES IN YOU. It's true. Scripture backs it up, we have to keep reading and believing truth and then it just clicks one day. One regular, unassuming, mundane day, it clicks.

The feelings flood

Last week was a flood of feelings. 

We simultaneously danced between my 6th grader heading to Outdoor Ed with his class, baby number 3, turning 3 (!) and our 16 year old Junior ending a fantastic tennis season along with homecoming festivities; that turned into a hustle and bustle on the schedule. This was over the course of 4 days. Have mercy! How did we survive?

I was thinking of all of the things that come our way that are out of our control. And how we are refreshed and renewed by putting our focus on remaining close to God through prayer and Bible study time.

Things certainly fall apart when there is no buffered time in the schedule for worship.

My heart is heavy as I type this. We have a fresh 3 year old, testing limits. Likely related to being overstimulated from all of our activity. However, I am trying to instill some renewal time on this rainy Monday which looks a lot like catching up. The older two are off at school. I have an anxious heart knowing my 6th grader did not at all enjoy Outdoor Ed due to some unfortunate behavior of a few students in his dorm and he's at school today facing those giants that linger in our life right now, as I am in contact with the school to file a report.

There is heaviness that I'm praying through.

To add to the busy and to change the subject just a bit. I'm leading a small group on Thursdays. We are currently studying Gideon (incase anyone is looking for a study, I highly recommend "Gideon: Your Weakness. God's Strength" by Priscilla Shirer). Our church has an initiative for stronger fellowship and has called on the small group leaders to share in this and go to a few, outside of worship, meeting times. Yesterday was one of them. I sat in a room full of other wonderful and wise Christians. Though I am in the seat of "leader" I didn't choose that position, it chose me and I've been trying to just roll with it. However, yesterday, on the heels of being tired from our string of festive days, I was feeling defeated or perhaps seriously questioning whether I was in the right place. This is what surrender looks like to me. If you have found yourself in a similar position, I want to share some truth. God fills in where you aren't capable.  Self doubt may still creep in (it certainly does in my case!) I find myself feeling ill-equipped and if I'm honest, I want to step away and ask someone "better" to fill my shoes. I won't though. We don't need perfect leaders. In fact, I find it incredibly refreshing when there is a humility in a leader. A raw authenticity, a willingness to share vulnerable things. It makes leaders more relatable. Can I become a better small group leader? YES! Absolutely! Should I walk away because I feel out of my league; absolutely not!

While sitting in church yesterday, these words came to mind:

When the things of this world that have clouded my eyes are stripped away; I can see you Lord clear as the sun on a blue sky day.

When I push away all that's invaded my life and my mind, all that is left is YOU, God. 
I press in to cling to you, the way, the truth and the life. 

In the past I might have trudged on, trying to stifle my emotions. Now I sit with them, have coffee with them, pray over them and then release them to God, to allow Him to finish them.
I'm currently in the coffee and prayer process and I find it important to speak from this place too, instead of always speaking from the finish line where hindsight occurs. You see, the hindsight is great, but how about documenting the messy part too? My prayer is that bitterness and hatred don't grow bigger than necessary and instead grace flows out through the cracks and the pain and the light shines through the darkness. As promised in John 1:5-16 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming in the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh not of the will of man, but of God. And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.'") For from his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace."

The Battle Against Easy

Our society has systematically engaged in the impulse within us. The “don’t want to” aspect of our brains. The “serve it on a silver platter or I don’t want it” perspective.
I’ll tell you something, easy IS better in the moment.
As a busy mom, I want easy most of the time. Easy dinner, easy clean up, easy bedtime, easy, all of it.
And then I realize, easy is an invitation to move faster; more mindlessly. Promoting a lack of feelings as we skip through our days as blindly as possible to avoid emotions. Until we are at a pace that’s unsustainable. We wonder why our lives are full of angst. We crave a quiet minute so we give our kids the “impulse at the fingertips” electronic of choice that can open up the world within seconds to their developing brains. Yes, they are quiet. They are captivated. A moment of peace. Fabricated by the peace thief.
I’m quite convinced we are making the problem bigger.
It’s time to begin the battle against easy.
Ironically, It will not be easy.
Infact it will be downright exhausting.
Battle through.
You are undoing all that’s been done on a level of subtlety.
Crawling out of the grave we dug.
True peace ensues little by little as the habits of ease are broken one by one.
You may feel you are the only one, trust me there are more like you. Find support, you will need it. Otherwise you will want to sneak back to the easy road. You will question your sanity as you go against the monstrous perpetual battle of information that’s inundated our lives. If it’s not electronics, it’s the pace of our communities. Work, sports, the board room meetings, whatever it is, it’s betraying you. It’s convinced you, you can’t sit still. Once you try, you find it to be almost painful. Your brain is used to this overstimulated; over-exhausted, hamster wheel of go go go. Sit through it. Solitude awaits. There’s no easy way to peace, it’s a battle to the finish line. As you near it though, you see glimmers of what’s to come. It’s appealing but seems unattainable, like the never ending hallway that only comes in your nightmares. It’s something you can reach. Keep going, stand firm. This way is a better way. It’s the hard earned grit way. Our souls will thank us. Our stressed out maximum capacity bodies will thank us. Your finances will thank you because you are no longer paying for your coping juice of choice and your Dr will begin telling you you are looking younger and younger. That’s the secret, lowering your stress. You will find you have more time to do the things that matter like build relationships instead of being a slave to the grind. We are deceived to think we can only handle what’s down the easy road, and that may be true if you’re trying to do life in your own strength. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” We don’t have to do anything outside of our comfort in our own strength but we do have to ask the One who created us, to go before us; alongside us and behind us to help do the things that are hard. It’s a choice. Choose easy for the time being; or choose to enter the battle and come out on the other side free of the weights you’ve been shackled by for who knows how long. Will you make that choice?

Can you recover?

No matter what it is, we all have something that we think perhaps we won’t recover from. 

A wound that doesn’t heal, something we think God just can’t forgive us for. 

God can use ALL things for the good of those who love Him. 

All things. 

Even the heinous things your mind has deceived you to think was something you couldn’t recover from. A life forever changed. It can turn around. 

It can. 

Believe it. 

❤️

Read this Scripture from Romans 8 to further under this concept 😘

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

Romans 8:18-30 ESV

F R E E

Does the ownership of your accumulated material possessions stress you out?
Do you live with a lot of clutter? Are your closets full?
We've been in our new house for 4 years now. When we moved, we came from our "starter" home.
I thought I had a lot of stuff then, but then we moved here, one extra bedroom, a larger basement, a huge garage (my husband needed a place to store his materials since he's an Electrician).
Everything that felt huge when we first moved in is suddenly full. We accumulated more "stuff" and now, I feel as though we are running out of space.

Some time ago, I began selling clothes and house items at local resale shops. I still do. I make an appointment, bring in a huge bin of items, and come home with about 40% of the items I started with. The stores can take some of this "stuff" off my hands, but they can't take everything, and then it leaves me with, what do I do with it now? Sell it on my own? Donate it? But where??? All of these things I think about because I made a choice to purchase something I "needed".

We started a financial course years ago, and it was suggested we try to sell everything we don't need. In turn we would raise money to throw at any debt we had.

It was a great idea in theory. Selling items can be quite a task, almost like a job! Have you tried it?? Yes, facebook groups sure makes it easy. Often times you post an item for sale, set it on your porch and the consumer picks it up while leaving money at the door. It's great! When. it. works. :) Some items, people don't buy. And then goes on the process. What do I do with it now?? Donate? But where??

Have you noticed, if you offer something for free at the curb, someone will pick it up 99.9999% of the time?

One of my favorite quotes is "No one has ever become poor by giving" by the beautifully insightful Anne Frank. 

Yes, selling items you don't need is a great way to "recycle" some of the money you've invested in those items. However, there is something that happens inside of us when we simply give something away, without expectation of anything in return.

Something happens on the heart level. We become a little more like Jesus. There is a little more generosity in this world. A little less ownership of material possessions. A little more trust that our Father will provide for our needs as they arise.

The truth is, these items we posses, they aren't truly ours anyway. We've been blessed with the funds to purchase them. We've been blessed with the work that provided the funds. It's not ours. So why do we carry so much pride in our materials?
Why do we stress over keeping what we don't need? For fear we may need it someday and not have it?

I'm suggesting today, that you look at what you have, and see perhaps how those items could bless someone else, with no baggage attached. No expectations, no price tag, just give it away for free.

In return, you have a little more FREE-dom in your heart :)

Heart positioning

An example of how Scripture speaks to us personally when we bring our troubles to God....

Yesterday I was dealing with some disappointment. I had gotten up, dressed and ready to visit a prayer group that I had heard about a few days before. I was stepping out of my comfort zone to go, meeting new people is a little uneasy sometimes. I prayed through anxiety on the way and when I got to the restaurant; no one was there. I didn’t know what to think; I was disappointed that no one was there but slightly relieved at the same time. But also still bummed because here I was dressed with no where to go at 7:15 on a Sunday morning.

I called my husband who was home with our three kids and told him I was going to bring some bagels home for everyone. He shared he wasn’t in the mood for bagels and suggested going out to breakfast with the kids. My heart that morning was prepared for prayer time and breakfast with ladies my age; which didn’t happen and now my husband was suggesting we rush out the door with our three kids, visit a restaurant that’s not my favorite, while still making it to church on time...I will admit I had some tears falling when I hung up the phone, in the past; I would fight my tears, but I’ve learned God sees them fall and wants to comfort me. So I brought those emotions to Him. I shared my tears with God and then pulled out my Bible.

When I pick up my Bible I pray for
direction.
“What will you have me read right now Lord?”

I found myself in 1 Corinthians 13
“The way of love”

Verse 4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it’s not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”

“It does not insist on its own way...”
This was my eye opener. I had my heart positioned all wrong. It was going against my husband’s sweet, thoughtful offer to take the spontaneous opportunity to enjoy a breakfast out with my family on a Sunday morning. My disappointment and selfishness were not going to win. Love won!

Mundane Discontent

Not long ago, I was sitting in my role as "wife and mom" utterly discontent inside. Depressed. Feeling purposeless in the daily ins and outs of unrelenting life. All of it's demands weighed on me, and seeped out as persistent aches and pains that I despised.

I spent my entire childhood dreaming of the day I would be married with children, staying home with them. I had fantasy sized ideas of what it would look like, or simply, had NO IDEA what being a wife and mom actually entailed. Aside from watching my mom seamlessly care for the house, and the family, cook healthy meals every night and leave the house spotless before she went to bed. She was like a busy bee who just got everything done! How could I ever live up to that?

There's no way. I was not programmed to put anyone’s life before my own. Not at all. It did not come naturally to me, infact, my heart rebelled against it.

I was much more content doing my own things, when I wanted to do them, and guess what, I was pretty good at persuading people that my way was better...

I became a mom at the young age of 22. My now husband, and I were unmarried when our first was born. We "figured it out" as we went along. It wasn't pretty. We fought a lot. We allowed our very stubborn personalities (plural as in, I can't blame him because I was just as bad, if not worse at times)

Fast forward 16 years, (please don't do the math on my age) our oldest is driving, our second born just entered middle school and our youngest is a lovely but raging ”threenager " (well, he plays the part, but is actually still 2)

At a time in our lives when being rooted is a necessity to survive, I marvel at my thankfulness that God pursued me in my days of "doing it all myself" and ever so patiently weathered the storms who He Himself permitted in my life to get me where I am today.

I never even saw it coming.

As I sit today on this brisk, almost fall, Saturday morning, I'm pondering the word mundane and how we as mothers fill many roles. It looks slightly different in each household but a list of "typical" jobs include, bussing, laundry, time management, encouragement, giving love, middle of the night snuggles, feeding, early wake ups, and the list goes on. It can quite definitely feel mundane at times, because we tend to do the same tasks day in and day out to ensure the household runs smoothly. We are created and designed to nurture. Even if we don't see it in our make up just yet, it's there. It might be buried, you might believe it doesn't apply to you, but it's there. Our families depend on our ability to love and nurture them. So when the day(s) comes when your heart isn't quite joyful, remember we work today, for a better tomorrow. And as Lamentations 3 reminds me often "in spite of affliction; His mercies are new every morning".
So I rise and seek to love my family unceasingly. It's the little moments that make bigger impact in the home. It's not big lavish offerings, it's simply being an ear to listen and a hand to hold.

I've stopped dwelling on my endless to do list and even allowed some of those tasks to rest as we travel this season of seeking to be more present and less "rushed and regimented". What I see, is more peace in my own heart and the heart of my family members. Simply because by releasing control and allowing my family to see a healthier version of mom, I'm equipped to lead confidently and shine my light even brighter. It looks different for everyone, but God works the intimate details, and He does so brilliantly in a way that relieves our pressures to be perfect and moving constantly to encouraging us to strive for peace, when the groundwork is already present, it's just waiting to be revealed, when you are ready to have a positive change in your life.

If you are at a point where you are craving more peace, ask yourself these questions:

"How can I change my mundane to mercy today?"

Am I carrying the weight of something that is not mine to carry?

Am I allowing myself to have peace?

If you thought it wasn't possible to squeeze in a moment to breathe, it's definitely time to assess your days and maybe cross a few things off the to do list. When you have an extra minute, even if you have to hide out somewhere, take that time to collect your thoughts. If you have more than a minute, squeeze in something that brings you peace. I like biking and walking, so I try to build those into my day a few times per week.